Mole People: An Anthropological and Archaeological History

The Mole People are an ancient underground civilization noted for developing the only known written language of the underground world as well as spectacular performance art, monumental architectural structures, astounding engineering achievements, advanced technological innovations, and sophisticated philosophies and mathematics. At their peak, the Mole People had developed one of the most densely populated and culturally dynamic societies in the world.

The Mole People civilization shares no features with other ancient civilizations due to the lack of interaction with above-ground cultures. They independently developed writing, epigraphy, and a calendar. Today, the Mole People and their above-ground relatives form sizable populations above and thousands of feet below the earth’s surface of Central and South America. They maintain a distinctive set of traditions and beliefs regardless of geography. Gopwili is the primary language spoken by underground Mole People. The above-ground Mole People primarily speak Spanish. The Dibbly Spittlbenny, a play written in Gopwili, was declared a masterpiece of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO.

While the Mole People area was initially inhabited around the 10th millennium BCE, the first clearly “Mole” settlements were established in approximately 1800 BCE in the Hubbafeezy region seven hundred feet below what is now Bogota in Colombia. This point in time, known as the Early Jackassic Period, was characterized by slothful communities, the introduction of pornography, and fired clay dildos.

Archaeological evidence suggests the construction of ceremonial architecture in Mole People areas by approximately 1000 BCE. The earliest configurations of such architecture consist of simple burial mounds, which would be the precursors to the brassiere-shaped structures erected in the Late Jackassic Period. Prominent Middle and Late Jackassic settlement zones are located in the southern Molean caverns, specifically in the Leppledinky and Gorbattsicky Caves. Important sites in the southern Molean caverns include Melthook, Eshtabi, Corplitty, and Uddulguffy. In the Kickidooty Mudstumping, the Frawgortapy Order emerges around 800 BCE. For many centuries it controlled the minerals of the underworld. The important early sites of Snaka, Jaffterdas, and Voorfilluke Regerstylop were the primary producers of food around 600 BCE. Mid-sized Mole communities also began to develop in the northern Molean caverns during the Middle and Late Jackassic, though these lacked the size, scale, and influence of the large centers of the southern caverns. Two important Pre-Jackassic northern sites include Nebble-Douser and Zqworhzy.

There is some disagreement about the boundaries which differentiate the physical and cultural extent of the early Mole and neighboring Pre-Jackassic Mole-Mimic civilizations, such as the “Fodstuff” culture of the Kildern caverns and the Zobztobs-speaking peoples thousands of feet below Chiapas and southern Oaxaca, respectively. Many of the earliest significant inscriptions and buildings appeared in this overlapping zone, but there is little evidence suggesting that these cultures and the formative Mole People influenced one another. Bubajazi Kumfuddle, a thousand feet below what is now Lima, Peru, is the only site where Mole-Mimic and Mole People artifacts have been found together.