Confession

I am outing myself today.

I am a nihilist. I am also a narcissist. I may be a sociopath. A nonviolent sociopath, a benign narcissist, and an affirmative nihilist. I don't trust anyone but I choose to trust everyone; smells like masochism. I am self-centered in my desire for others to be happy; looks like empathy. I don't believe in any representational conceptions but I pay attention to communication from my body; tastes like chicken.

Homo sapiens is the species that invents symbols in which to invest passion and authority, then forgets that symbols are inventions.--Joyce Carol Oates

I do not believe in even that series of symbols. I don't believe. I don't believe I know what I am talking about. I don't believe anyone else does either.

Our house is made of glass... and our lives are made of glass; and there is nothing we can do to protect ourselves.

--Joyce again

We're doomed. Each of us. There's nothing we can do to prevent decay or death other than through the creation of new life (silly babies: you're all going to die, too!). Every person who lives is born sentenced to die. That's the first thing I consider whenever I need to make a decision. "Well, you're going to die at some point no matter what you do so you may as well get on with it." I'm usually wearing a cowboy hat and riding a horse when I say that to myself. This is an exception. Just for you. Like a love song. Or a to-do list. Or a contract.

I am bound by you. You are preventing me from reaching my potential. Your choices are in my way. I advise you to make new decisions about your life. Stop wasting your time worrying about what you worry about. You're going to die. Eventually.

I propose all of you start a new political party, The Party of Incoherence. The first rule is that rules must be confusing. The second rule states that failure to follow the rules is an offense punishable by death. The third rule is that you have to break the rules.

You should split into two groups. One group should call themselves X and the other group should call themselves Y. Group X will claim to follow a specific ideology but will never choose to practice those ideals. Group Y will also claim to follow a specific ideology (a different ideology than Group X) but they, too, will choose to ignore their own ideals. The two groups will practice the same political philosophy while vociferously but falsely maintaining that they are following ideology X or Y, respectively. Each group will accuse the other group of being hypocritical; both groups will be right about that.

When not in public the two groups should meet at parties to fuck, suck, drink, smoke, swallow, snort, and shoot. Sometimes there will be violence, but only for sport. The sweat and stench will be collected, bottled, and sold. "Scents for Sale" an ad may read.

Consumers may frenzy for these smells. They may pay through the nose to get a whiff. Impostors will run rampant; customers won't be able to tell the difference ... until word gets out that the bottled scents, the magical smells people believe they are sniffing, are just synthetically manufactured fragrances. Not one trace of ball sweat or pussy juice. Brands like Curry Ball, once a leader in the curry-and-salt sack-sniffing market, will be forever discredited, unable to meet vast debt obligations, forcing manufacturers and distributors to default on loans and declare bankruptcy. Another shock wave through the financial markets as wicked scents of political corrupsters going Caligula in sex dungeons and sky diving on molly while providing special forces training for the expansion of Yemen intelligence and counter-terrorism operations will be proven to be urban myths.

The collapse of the facade will bring down faith in human nature. Men and women will strip naked and run screaming from their homes and apartments, the mall and the DMV, everywhere men and women gather there will be stripping. Screaming, too. A lot of screaming. Some screams of rage, most of horror, a smattering of pleasure. All sense of propriety will be lost. The reasons for living as we have will never be understood after reflection and contemplation die out completely, squeezed mercilessly from consideration by myopic, ambitious, and inattentive junkies clinging desperately to a dream that jumping jacks and unicycle races can revive the economy, put everyone back to work with fair living wages, provide for permanent guaranteed employment, expand the consciousness of the collective mind, and lead to a further evolution of the human brain. Researchers will discover a way to modify genes to offer parents trait packages that include formerly supernatural/science-fiction qualities such as telekinesis and telepathy.

This new breed of human will be as likely to be nihilistic and narcissistic as any other human beings in the general population. A crime wave of telekinetic rape and telepathic enslavement will sweep across the nation and around the world. Governments everywhere will declare martial law. Individuals around the world will be executed by "security-related" law enforcement patrols created through new intergovernmental regional strategic alliances. In the United States, every city and county in every state will be patrolled by private security firm personnel. Government-run police forces will be disbanded, their authority transferred through contracts to corporations. The War on Tele-Terror will lead to a quarter of the U.S. population being killed or imprisoned in less than a decade.

Around night-time trash fires in urban wildernesses talk will turn to remembrances of life before the Great Disillusionment. There will be whispers about Scent parties, remembrances of the wild stories, believed once upon a time, that accompanied particular fragrance bottles. There will be laughter followed by arguments resulting in rapes and murders. A sane person will collect blood from the aftermath and try to sell it as an elixir that cures unhappiness. A madman will buy it, but another sane person will knife the guy, take all his bottles of blood, and try to sell them as well.

Things of this nature will go on for centuries. After that, I'm not really sure what will happen.