An Interview with Trump

Me: You recently said that Portland has been burning for decades.

Trump: Yes, almost one hundred years. Horrible.

Me: I’ve lived in Portland and I can assure you that it hasn’t been burning for a hundred years, a decade, a year, or any length of time at all. 

Trump: It’s invisible fire.

Me: Invisible fire?

Trump: Yes, invisible. You can’t see it. No one can see it. I can see it, but no one else can.

Me: Why wasn’t I burned when I lived there? And why are all of the buildings intact except for the few that were burned in recent arson attacks?

Trump: You were burned. Everyone burned. Portland is a burned out husk, total rubble.

Me: That’s ridiculous. I was never burned. Portland is fine.

Trump. No, that’s fake news. You were burned and Portland is a fiery hole in the ground. No one has ever seen a bigger hole in the ground.

Me: There’s no hole in the ground. Besides, if I was burned then how could I be sitting here asking you questions?

Trump: You’re a figment of my imagination.

Me: No, I’m real. You’re delusional.

Trump: Yes, I’m delightful.

Me: Delusional.

Trump: That’s what I said. Look, Portland has been burning since Y2K.

Me: Y2K?

Trump: That’s when the men in black started burning it.

Me: Men in black? What are you talking about?

Trump: The men in black suits. Antifa. The black uniforms. It’s classified.

Me: Wait—antifa started burning Portland in the year 2000?

Trump: Yup. Y2K, the computer thing, the men in black, the Antifa Nazis in black uniforms.

Me: Antifa means anti-fascist, the opposite of Nazis.

Trump: No, Antifa is Nazi. They time traveled to Portland at the end of WWII. Everyone thought they went to Argentina, but they time traveled to Y2K to burn Portland to the ground.

Me: You’re insane.

Trump: I’m not in pain, but thank you for asking. The point is that the time-traveling Nazis are running Biden’s campaign. I was briefed on it this morning by Very Important People.

Me: What the hell are you talking about?

Trump: The deep state. The anarchist Nazi deep state that runs the global sex trafficking ring. That’s why I became president, to stop the liberal Nazis so I could run the sex trafficking ring.

Me: You’re an idiot.

Trump: No, I was appointed by God to be president. I’m the Second Coming, the Second Coming of God. I was sent to save America and make it great again like it was in the Garden of Eden. 

Me: Oh, now you’re the son of God?

Trump: No, I’m the Second Coming of God. Putin was the first. I’m the second. It’s all about building a wall which will become an ark to save America from the flood. 

Me: What Bible have you been reading?

Trump: I didn’t read the Bible. I wrote it after I published “The Art of the Deal.” Best sellers, both of them are best sellers. I’m the best writer. People say I’m the best so I must be the best.

Me: No one says you’re the best.

Trump: Some people say it. Most people. Pretty much everyone.

Me: No one says it.

Trump: That’s fake news. You’re saying nasty things. You’re a nasty person. I’m God and you’re wrong.

Me: You’re not God.

Trump: I am. I was briefed on it by Very Important People in the White House.

Me: Who? 

Trump: It’s under investigation right now so I can’t talk about it.

Me: You’re just saying things, just whatever pops into your delusional mind.

Trump: Everything I say is true. You lie. CNN lies. Fauci lies. You’re all dirty, nasty liars. I know everything and you know nothing.

Me: You’re a narcissistic jackass with a God-complex.

Trump: I am complex, a very stable genius. I injected bleach into my veins and got superpowers so I could save America from the covfefe virus. 

Me: It’s the coronavirus. COVID-19.

Trump: I eat 19 cheeseburgers every day.

Me: That I believe. You’re as big as a walrus.

Trump: I am the walrus. Coo-coo-ca-choo. 

Me: You’re a child with a choo-choo for a brain.

Trump: Yes, I know everything. I know all.

Me: You’re omniscient?

Trump: Yes, I’m omnistupendous.

Me: That’s not a word.

Trump: It’s a word. It’s the name of my special cheeseburgers. I order them from the presidential menu every day.

Me: I don’t even know what to—

Trump: It’s an invisible menu. Only presidents can see it.

Me: Okay, so Obama was able to see this invisible presidential menu, too?

Trump: No, it didn’t exist when he was president. Bannon made it. He has magic powers.

Me: Steve Bannon created an invisible menu that only you can see and you order special cheeseburgers from it every day?

Trump: Yes, I wear cheeseburgers as body armor. I look fat, but it’s just cheeseburger body armor. They can stop missiles.

Me: Well, you have layers of fat as body armor and I do believe that it was formed by eating cheeseburgers.

Trump: No, I don’t eat the cheeseburgers. I wear them. I’m really skinny, but more muscular than skinny. I’m in perfect health. I have the body of a nine-year-old.

Me: And the mind of a three-year-old. 

Trump: I’m very young and quite small.

Me: You’re huge. You look like you have watermelons in your jowls.

Trump: I store watermelons in my cheeks so that I can eat them during the winter while I’m hibernating. I sleep half the year.

Me: Could be. You’ve been sleep-talking for years, I guess. No wonder you don’t make any sense and people think you’re crazy.

Trump: I’m crazy like a fox, like Fox News, the Bible of Fox News that predicts what I’ll do next.

Me: They tell you what to do next.

Trump: No, that’s Putin.

Me: So you admit that you’re Putin’s puppet?

Trump: Are you putting on a puppet show?

Me: No, but you have been.

Trump: I have? I love muppets. They taste like ice cream.

Me: You need to be locked up.

Trump: I’m locked and loaded, ready to fire, gonna burn down the Antifa, maybe pour the COVID on them, no one has ever poured the COVID like I have, I’m the best covfefe in the history of America which I built on the Seventh Day of Rest because I was pooped from sleeping so much.

Me: I think you might be having a stroke.

Trump: Yes, my golf stroke is amazing, no one plays golf like me, but some people choke on three-foot putts and shoot negroes in the back seven times or choke them to death with a knee on their neck. It is what it is which is better than anything Sleepy Joe has ever done. He sleeps more than me, has a socialist knee, can’t control his pee, sings fiddle-dee-dee half past three, olley olley everything is free for me!

Me: You’ve got a brain tumor, I’m sure of it. It’s gotta be the size of cantaloupe.

Trump: I can’t elope, I’m married. Or can I? Are you saying I can get married to more than one person at a time? Why did I ever get divorced? I could have just kept marrying women every time I grabbed them by the pussy and made them stroke my wiener. I ate sixteen wieners yesterday. With ketchup. Ketchup is good, the number one import to China, that’s what they say. I’m gonna make them pay a tariff, though, and then I’m going to play Yahtzee with Kim Jong-Puntang and Voldemort Putin. After I take a nap. I’m sleepy. Sleepy Trump needs a nap. Tucker Carlson sings me lullabies about ending Social Security and Medicaid to make everyone poor and homeless so I can shoot them seven times when I miss three-foot putts—

Me: I’m leaving.

Trump: —I have a tattoo of Roger Stone’s butthole next to my butthole. I fart when I tweet. I’m going to tweet about my giant head filled with immigrant caravans living inside the walls of my tanning bed. I need more water pressure from my shower head. My hair has to be perfect. My skin is made of orange peels. I blather incessantly without any ability to stop myself. Everyone loves me. Please tell me you love me. Will you love me? I want my mommy. My big toe is shaped like Africa and my tongue is made of evil. Three times is the most I’ve ever been nice to Mexicans. Police brutality makes my pee-pee hard. I like watching old people die while eating oleander. Stephen Miller pops the pimples on my back every night before while I watch Sean Hannity. I want to buy Greenland and pave it with golden turds. No one loves sadism as much as I do, putting brown babies in little cages and destroying the post office. I wish I had nostrils on my nipples. Putin is Q. Everything tastes like hatred to me. I feel most comfortable when surrounded by psychopaths. I know my ABCs and eat crayons. Standing up makes me angry. I’ve had diarrhea of the mouth since I was a toddler. Reality is fake news. Everyone appreciates my golfing miracles. I haven’t had any strokes yet today. I have a uterus in my throat that gives birth to cruelty every time I open my mouth. I like people, but I don’t. Ippy iffy kicky patty. My tax returns are on Mars and the Space Force will retrieve them next year. Drinking bleach cures cancer. I have never eaten a vegetable, but I have a rug made out of my pubic hair. Melania eats my ear wax. The future of electricity is boogers. The Internet invented me. Bling blang blue fiddle pop scram. Look, look, look, look, this is important, let me tell you, quickly, that there are tremendous violent hurricanes made by agitators—more than one, many of them—and there are not peaceful protests in Democratic cities except for my supporters, the fantastic MAGA people, they’re related to leprechauns—some people call them midgets, I call them leprechauns—who make Lucky Charms from pots of gold at the end of the rainbow people, the gays and queers, I love them, nobody loves gays and queers more than I do which is why I want to build a wall around them, a wall made out of dingleberries, tremendous dingleberries, dingleberries people can be proud of when the looters get shot in North Korea, which is being hurt by Chinese tariffs, just like Iowa corn and Kentucky bourbon. I don’t drink because my brother died of covfefe before Crooked Hillary stole my mind. She needs to be locked up to save suburban women from being raped by killer clowns spraying tear gas and firing paint balls at agitators. Now my hands are itchy and my crotch smells like hands, stubby finger sandwiches, some people call them whore derves, I call them whirling dildos providing security for MAGA leprechauns living next to low-income housing projects eating trillions of jobs even though I made Wall Street the best economy in history, so good, the very best, nobody could have made an economy like I did, the best economy, no one thought it was possible, they said “You must be crazy,” but my doctor said I passed the SATs through my colon faster than anyone has ever done it, and there was no one who wanted more than I wanted when I wanted it because of how great I am and how much my brain can think per minute about law and order and fake fakeness and fake fake fake and the dark shadows in Joe Biden’s basement, the men in black who are under investigation, I can’t talk about it, it’s classified by Russia who told me All Lives Matter almost as much as a three-foot putt, but white lives matter more, they  suck up to me at my rallies which are yuge, no one has rallies as big as mine, mine are the biggest since Nuremberg, I am the greatest best that no one has ever…

Amsterdam 91: The End of the Second Act

The final few weeks in Amsterdam, the end of March through the first weeks of April, were tranquil. That day of reflection had enabled me to put away ambition and to live in peace my final weeks before returning to America. I spent many days at Bloem with Daniel and friends, soaking in their presence, their relaxed manner of living day to day, appreciating the magical way in which they made what appeared to be mundane or routine pregnant with fulfillment. Living well came so naturally and easily for them. They modeled the method and I learned by observing and practicing their pace. They had managed to live an Amazonian shamanism in an urban environment. Accomplishing this in a Westernized city was extraordinary. 

I spent many days alone wandering around the city, occasionally meeting new people, spending an afternoon or evening with them, but often I spent time alone with myself whether out in the city or at home in my apartment. I continued to shroom and the experiences became more rooted even as they expanded. Breathing was becoming a way of life, the form of movement I cherished most. Simply sitting, in my apartment or in a cafe, looking out onto the streets at the people passing by, at the architecture of the buildings, listening to the sounds of cycles and cars and conversation, of the rain falling, of the wind whipping, feeling the warmth inside and the bracing cold outside, feeling the light and darkness of day and night and artificial light, savoring pastries and espressos and beers, and being transported by the smells of bakeries. 

I experienced none of the ecstatic highs of the early days. I had become part of the rhythms of the city and they matched the rhythms within me. I spoke very little those last few weeks, mostly observing through sensation, allowing feelings and thoughts to come and go, to remain still whether sitting or moving. I knew the entire enterprise was coming to a conclusion, but I rarely felt pangs of attachment, of wanting to stay forever, of dreading my departure. 

The day before I left I felt a deep sadness, but it had the potent fragrance of ripened fruit. I could recall all experiences I'd had without even remembering them. They were simply there, accessible. I didn't dwell on them or feel nostalgia, but as I sat alone most of the last day, simply looking out the window while drinking coffee, smoking cannabis, and listening to quiet music, they meshed with the steady drizzle outside. 

Susanne, the woman who had rented her apartment to me, returned from the Caribbean during my last couple of days in Amsterdam. I had decided to stay an extra week so she was surprised that I was still there when she returned. I offered to leave and stay at a hotel for my final days so she could have her apartment to herself after such a long time away, but she insisted that I stay. We had a couple of lovely conversations and I learned more about her. 

She was a fascinating woman. She was around 60 years old and during the 1970s she, her boyfriend, and some friends drove an RV to India. They were hippies. She described how different the world was at that time, how it was possible to drive through Afghanistan and the Middle East. Not that the trip was without its perils, but the times were different; it was before Russia had invaded Afghanistan, before the U.S. had invaded Iraq. A simpler time. She and her boyfriend, who later became her husband, became Buddhists and it seemed that that was due mostly to their experiences in India. She was retired, but she had worked in some fashion, an import/export business, between The Netherlands and India. She still had friends there, a point which would become important in the future, though neither of us knew that at the time. In fact, had I not stayed those extra days which allowed us to get to know one another, I'm not sure there would have been a future between us. But, that's the wonder of travel, of being open to possibilities when meeting others who are open to possibilities. 

I had come to appreciate Buddhism through my shrooming and meditative experiences during my stay. I couldn't formally call my way of life or my way of thinking Buddhist because I had read very little about it. However, it's no accident that shrooming often leads to a mindset and outlook and lifestyle that is commensurate with Buddhism according to what I later learned. And when I later read about the practices and thinking of Buddhism I realized that coming to those Ways would have been impossible for me by only reading. Shrooming, at least the way I was creating my experiences, led to living a way akin to a confluence of Buddhism, shamanism, aestheticism, and athleticism. My compassion for myself and others had expanded, my appreciation of life had been renewed, and my wonder at natural and human-created beauty and design had flourished. 

A lifetime had passed since I had fallen into despair and wondered if there was any reason to continue living, and yet it was only seven months earlier that I had felt that way. When I had sat in front of my computer in Madison, Wisconsin, after finishing a work project with no immediate work to do in the coming weeks, I felt nothing, thought nothing. There was just a hollow within me, the result of a years-long depression chewing away at whatever I had previously valued in life. The depression didn't just arise from divorce, from aging, from physical ailments; it was American life, a culture of material deadness, meaningless production, empty consumerism, a place with no outlet for the soul, a place not conducive to being human in the ways I needed to be human. 

My deepest wonder was whether it would be possible to integrate the way of life I had developed in Amsterdam into a life in the United States. What would I do if that proved to be impossible? I barely considered the question before discarding it. My focus was entirely on consciously integrating a life of wonder and creativity and openness and play combined with compassion, kindness, and courage when I landed back in the states. 

I spent my last night with Daniel at Bloem. There were few customers that night and I stayed late, well past closing, and it was just Daniel and I who drank beer while we talked deep into the night. I wasn't sure if or when I would return to Amsterdam. Neither of us felt a deep sadness about this. Somehow, it seemed inevitable that I would return, but I really wondered about that that night as I walked home. I had given the keys to my bike to Daniel, telling him that I'd rather he use it or find a friend who needed a bike rather than just let it remained locked at a stand for no reason.

I woke up the next day, showered and packed for my flight, had breakfast with Susanne, and then called a taxi to take me to the airport. I rode in silence watching the rain as we went. It had been some time since I had been outside the city center and surrounding neighborhoods so the shock of seeing the ugliness of 20th-century functional utility was pronounced. I knew it was going to be even worse when I arrived in Chicago and took the commuter to Madison. As I picked up my ticket at Schiphol and made my way to the gate, I realized more fully that I was leaving and really--really--might never return. I had spent a lot of money each trip, especially the first. I was going to need time to bring my finances back up before I could even think of returning. 

Fortunately, I had to focus on getting through customs, which was surprisingly easy, and then getting some food before the flight. I was exhausted from being out late the previous night and hadn't thought ahead to bring food with me. The only restaurant that was open inside my gate was McDonald's. I made myself order a quarter pounder with cheese because I didn't want to be hungry on the flight. It was a terrible mistake. I had truly forgotten how greasy and artificial American food was. I felt nauseous after eating a few bites and couldn't stomach more than a few fries. Within minutes, I made a beeline to the restroom and squatted on the toilet. A furious spray of sewage spewed from my asshole. Even though I was somewhat relieved, I could still feel the coating of grease lining my insides. Such a stupid fucking mistake.

Again, though, it distracted me from the fact that I was leaving Amsterdam. Once seated on the flight, I felt more relaxed. I thought I would sleep, but I couldn't for whatever reason. I was extremely happy I hadn't slept when the plane flew over the southern portion of Greenland. The glaciers were magnificent, otherworldly, absolutely mammoth. I took several photos and then offered the woman sitting next to me a chance to sit next to the window so she could look out. She was thrilled. Once we had passed Greenland, we had a lovely chat. She was from Rotterdam and, oddly, a Christian. I couldn't recall meeting any Christians in Holland previously. It made sense that there were some, but it was still surprising. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation with her and she had none of the earmarks of fundamentalist or evangelical Christians. I didn't get her denomination, but whatever it was it seemed Christian in the best sense as she was welcoming, kind, and excited about traveling to America. She even got me to become mildly excited about returning. I had forgotten how America was perceived by some foreigners, that it had had a reputation as a wonderfully diverse democracy before George W. Bush started unnecessary and lawless military invasions of other countries. For this woman, at least, it still held the promise of the possibility of a better tomorrow. I wasn't sure if she was naive or just culturally filled with Dutch optimism.

We exchanged contact information as we disembarked and then waited forever to get through customs. It was a madhouse: hot, congested, noisy, chaotic, and confusing. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason in the setup. After over an hour in line, I finally got through. After that, chaos reigned again. I finally figured out which terminal I needed and barely made it to my gate on time to board my flight. Fortunately, there was plenty of space on the puddle jumper to Madison so I was able to stretch out and relax, finally falling asleep once we took flight.

The good thing about arriving in a small airport is that navigating is easy and luggage is unloaded fairly quickly. I was able to get an airport transport back to the house I was renting from my friend who lived in Minneapolis. It was a nice day, too, partly sunny and the temperature in the 60s. It was a bit weird to think in Fahrenheit again, but I discovered I liked it. I was even excited as the cab pulled up to the house. I adjusted my watch to local time which was around 4 PM. I unloaded all of my bags with the help of the cabbie. I got a kick out of hearing his Wisconsin accent, too. 

Once I was inside I was pleased to see how clean I had left the apartment. I left all my luggage by the door, went to the kitchen to drink water, and then marched upstairs to my bedroom. I threw off most of my clothes, whipped back the blankets and sheet, and slid into bed. I was out instantly.

A Message from Q

I have information that pertains to an understanding being presented as a misunderstanding to perpetrate the illusion of confusion among followers who have interpreted messages correctly by falsely claiming to have interpreted messages correctly without understanding they were interpreting messages correctly under the guise of convincing the fake news that the theories presented are correctly false which has had the effect of making anons chase their tail in the guise of the deep state chasing its tail illuminating the location of the deep state within the psyche of the boogaloo which is really the oolagoob, the followers of which are goobers calling themselves goobs but in reality are hiding in plain site as rubes. 

Rubes have used the Rubik’s cube to unlock the matrix which contains the evidence of truth underlying all pedophile rings which have been disbanded to be rebranded as birth control kings using sex with minors as a front to prevent the passing of genetic information to a new generation who could have become rubes under the rubric of dupes playing the part of patsies for the indelible return of an Orwellian strategy disregarded as up-is-downism but in reality is triple-speak disguised as hate-means-love-means-hate as hatred is not the new love but that hate is declared the new love under which the old hate can survive undeterred by the anti-Christian masses which is the Real Christianity espoused by Jesus under double speak but distorted through triple speak unraveled by goobs in the fifth dimension of understanding to fool the rubes who, through an ignorant cunning, have accidentally discovered the truth which has been distorted accidentally on purpose by Hmerica fronting as America which has been known since ancient times as Chimeria and intentionally obfuscated as Merica, Murrica, Mrica, and Mysterical all most definitely defined by mystery, an abomination hiding the truth through the furtherance of uncertainty most clearly exposed in Animal Farm which was the precursor to Animal House in which belligerence was presented as preferable to order and mimicked throughout college campuses in the 1980s by unwitting Chads who were really Biffs dating Muffys before becoming U.S. Senators who employed Neidermeyers as civil servants who have since become the inheritors of the deep state.

Anons may declare their understanding of these truths by stating, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” This may be conveyed through Internet chatter, displayed on signs at protests and rallies, or spray painted on public walls throughout Chimeria which stretches far beyond Hmerica’s borders but invisibly except when viewed through the ultraviolet light of riddle theology. This indicates a sign of knowing that fraternizing is the beginning of fraternity which is always associated with secret handshakes, gestures, signals, sayings, facial expressions, and clothing colors which can be identified correctly by other goobs who have incorrectly deciphered the messages as the destruction of order for the sake of the belligerence of chaos which is absurd and unintentionally dada without any realization that rubes’ souls are being deadened in a delightful fit of game playing with no rules other than that the truth must remain hidden for it to exist as truth, for whatever is understood is necessarily fake as evidence is tantamount to lying and lying is a commandment articulated through Moses the Jew through Orwellian doublespeak reversed through time in a Norman Rockwell painting as Rockwell equals Roswell where aliens have been infiltrating the U.S. government for hundreds of thousands of years before the U.S. government ever came into existence through time travel enabled by the alien idea presented in Einstein’s theories of specific and general relativity before time travel existed so that time travel could exist and thus be brought into being after the fact and before the happening.

The Chimerian deep state of Hmerica is run by the deep state of Russia which was infiltrated by the deep state of China which was created by the deep state of Hmerica after the most righteously vile Nazis who perished were resurrected unwittingly by Israeli Holocaust survivors who were spelled by CIA voodoo learned from Jamaican Rastafarians who had existed secretly as freed slaves who were originally white Africans who had purposefully pigmented their skin to blend with black African tribes before Western civilization began. The Aryans of the North which are understood as Nordic inflamed themselves into purified being from Icelandic volcanoes in the eighth century AD, which was really BC as BC is Because and AD is really D.A. the code of Kamala the shallow-state VP candidate, after tunneling from the Swiss Matterhorn during the Paleozoic Era well into the Holocene Epoch of the Quaternary Era. 

This provided the beginnings of the pedophilia movement learned from the Chinese but perfected by ancient Greeks who passed down the practice through secret scrolls hidden in the anuses of Hasidic Jews, without their knowledge, which eventually became part of their DNA passed down to European and Russian Jews which, upon discovery by Hitler, necessitated the attempt to eradicate them through death camp genocide. The Gypsies, disabled, and mentally ill were also exterminated just in case they might be carriers of perverted alien DNA, but this idea was actually a ploy by the Illuminati who had discovered that what we today call schizophrenics and bipolars were really Aryan shamans who had correctly predicted the coming of chemtrails. Thus, Hitler and the Nazis accidentally eradicated many of the greatest prophets of the early twentieth century by being fooled by propaganda perpetrated by fake Nazis who were in fact the homosexual liberals posing as fascist capitalists who would eventually start the Bilderberg society in 1954 which gave rise to the Hmerica deep state that was run by the deep state of Russia which was infiltrated by the deep state of China which was originally created by the deep state of Hmerica. 

Academic historian transgendered immigrants managed to fool the generations before the glorious rise of the goobs hiding in plain sight as rubes into believing that a fake history accurately described the Nazi rule, the Holocaust, the Soviet Union, communism, and the emerging liberal deep state antithetical to Hmerica through the obfuscation of the shallow-state America of national elections, congressional legislation, judicial case law, and public policies, none of which impact the actual functioning of the state at the deepest levels which are controlled by Bildergers like Hillary Clinton, Bill Gates, and George Soros, all of whom have been perverted through alien DNA which uses quantum Jewishness and cosmic blackness to form love in the form of hate in the form of love which was manufactured in Area 51 by ancient aliens hundreds of thousands of years before the United States was formed and has periodically been injected into individuals who are not known to be Jews or blacks but are nevertheless so in both a psychic sense and within the deliberate falsehood of genetic manipulations which disturb the Aryan purity that was forged by volcanic fire.

It is false to believe Hillary Clinton started the pedophile ring being run out of a pizza parlor. She was the witting front for the site, but had nothing to do with pedophilia perpetrations performed perpetually. Only the patriots know the real story which must remain hidden through “Lock Her Up” chants when in fact, as I have learned recently through double-triple secret Aryan Knights of Templar agents within the deep state, the chants carry the meaning of “Keep Her Free.” The reason for this is the result of a double-blind study performed by organically manifesting white-power albinos who live in underground tunnels among the mole people who have kept them from being discovered by the Illuminati for centuries. The Holy Albinos have deciphered the truth of the purposes of “Lock Her Up” in the form of keeping her free so that the extent of the worldwide liberal Democratic pedophile ring can be more vociferously tracked by Donald Trump’s uber-secret reincarnated SS squads. Epstein was really a hero who knew the truth about Bill Clinton’s depravity and that of the progressive wing of the ultra-feminist black-empowerment DNC that runs the global structure of the pedophile trade. The world’s drug cartels and Chinese communists act as organized crime and political fronts for the pedophile system that controls the world’s genetic makeup. Pedophiles don’t even know they are part of a genetic plot to destroy the Aryan race; they are simply instruments for the Democratic Illuminati deep state that is trying to prevent pure genes from reproducing so as to muddy humanity with blackness and Jewness. 

That’s what they would have you believe, anyway. The truth is that the global pedophile ring is performing the function of preventing mutant genes from reproducing. By converting the mutants into pedophiles, the Aryan purity remains safe from dilution. This is the real reason why Area 51 came into existence. Right now, the entire world is made up of alien Aryan super humans thanks to the clandestine conversion of potential abominations into pedophiles so that their genes won’t be passed on. All races and ethnicities are purposefully pigmented Aryan aliens who have the Quest for Truth hidden within their DNA. There are no blacks, Mexicans, Asians, Arabs, Jews, Slavs, or any other supposed abomination. In fact, there are no men or women or transgenders. There is only one race, one gender. Cocks and pussies are similar to the shallow governments we see on the surface of politics; the deep state of the body, within genes, reveals perfect racial and gendered purity. Reproduction is an illusion; population is an illusion. There is only one body, one soul, one consciousness, and all manifestations are surface-level fake news reports about differences. 

The purpose of these fake differences is to perpetuate the purity of the species until the Dawn of the New Age occurs, during which what has remained hidden will be revealed and the eternal joy of perfection will shine throughout the quantum and the cosmic which are really one and the same. This Age will be followed by the Ceasing of Being which has been determined in the distant future by the time traveling quadruple agents of ancient alien Aryan heritage to be the moment beyond which things would just get really fucked up and utterly nonsensical. It is at the moment of True Dada that all being ceases because the cycling of chaos and order has been discovered to be boring and the only possibility following that realization is nihilism without any schadenfreude which has been interpreted as being the height of your pointless QAnon game-playing existence in which you are dupes engaged in a ridiculous conspiracy theory designed to make you feel superior without actually attaining any real or true superiority. Or, Q I Am and You Are Ham.

A COVID Life

Even as he marched in lockstep with his hands above his head he felt the onion-skin armor he had meticulously applied to his naked skin would protect him from fascism. This belief was the result of unknown origins as he had purposefully purged parts of his memory which might lead to cohesion or coherency. Being obscure as a meaningful path in life was a prime value upon which nothing else could compare.

If a book were written all in numbers it would be true. This thought occurred to him each and every moment in which he struggled to find words to describe his experiences. He once described his arms as plantains which had not sufficiently ripened to go to seed. Confusing metaphors were the best he could accomplish on most days of the week and he rarely even considered whether he was more enlightened in the afternoon or evening.

A message about the reality of coronavirus once caused him to pause in contemplation, but he became distracted by the fly buzzing around his head while he sat alone in a cow pasture. He felt safe there for a time, safe from disease and the material interests of the local citizenry. Security lost its luster after a few days as he craved uncertainty in a manner that was unhealthy. Wondering was more important to him than knowing even though it took shape in the form of societal dysfunction. He could no more mop floors than perform simple bookkeeping tasks.

Still, he was always able to imagine the shape of clouds in ways that heightened his quality of experience. If there had been an economic need for alternative perceptions of everyday objects he could have become a billionaire. When confronted with cries about freedom from people who had not wanted to wear masks in public he pondered whether the ethics of bank robbers had finally won the day. He thought civility was a concept that had never engaged in dialogue with ideas of liberty. However, the thought was often followed by an amazement at the variety of belt buckles that proliferated in west Texas.

When he had lived in a tent city in Los Angeles he wanted little more than to watch bugs crawl. The mystery that gripped him was why any given crawling insect might choose to go left rather than right at any given time. He tried to imagine what it might be like to be so small and to observe horizons of concrete from such a perspective. Even when he was being beaten for not having clean socks his mind drifted to insect navigation. When a rotting tooth dislodged from his gums he shrugged because it told him nothing about insect movement decision making.

He eventually got infected with the coronavirus. His symptoms were mild at first and he thought his headaches were exclusively the result of banging his head against a brick wall. Within a few weeks, he had difficulty breathing and collapsed on a sidewalk near a convenience store. A police car and an ambulance came for him after someone called 911. When he was admitted to the hospital they brought him back to consciousness briefly and asked him if he had any relatives they should contact. He couldn't figure out why that was important so he shrugged and shook his head no.

Shortly thereafter they intubated him and his last conscious thought was that the experience was less enjoyable than counting rocks on rural gravel roads in Iowa, a practice he found uplifting for a time. He died a day later and no one wondered about his life except the nurse who cried as she held his hand for a few minutes after he passed away.

Travel Diary of 2020

January 1: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 4: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 6: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 7: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

January 8: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

January 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 10: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 12: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 13: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

January 14: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 17: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 18: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 19: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

January 20: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

January 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 23: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 25: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

January 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 28: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

January 29: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 30: Stayed home. Watched TV.

January 31: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 1: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

February 2: Stayed home. Thought about going on a cruise. Thought better of it. Watched TV.

February 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 4: Stayed home. Tried to read a novel. Couldn't do it. Watched TV.

February 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 6: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

February 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 8: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

February 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 10: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 12: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

February 13: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 14: Stayed home. Made a Valentine Card for myself. Watched TV.

February 15: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

February 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 17: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 18: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 19: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 20: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 21: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

February 22: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

February 23: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 24: Stayed home. Tried to draw a picture. Didn't work. Watched TV.

February 25: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

February 28: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

February 29: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 1: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

March 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 4: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 6: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

March 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 10: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

March 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 12: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

March 13: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 14: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 17: Stayed home. Made my own green beer. Watched TV.

March 18: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

March 19: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

March 20: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 23: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 24: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

March 25: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 27: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

March 28: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 29: Stayed home. Watched TV.

March 30: Stayed home. Took out trash. Picked up mail. Watched TV.

March 31: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 1: Stayed home. Hid in bed all day to protect against April Fool's Day pranks.

April 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 4: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 5: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. No more toilet paper in the U.S. Began washing my ass in the shower after taking shits for the rest of the year. Watched TV.

April 6: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Thought someone came within a hundred feet from me and I screamed and ran back inside. Watched TV.

April 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 10: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 12: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 13: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

April 14: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 16: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

April 17: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 18: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 19: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 20: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

April 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 23: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 25: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

April 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 27: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

April 28: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 29: Stayed home. Watched TV.

April 30: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 1: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 4: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

May 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 6: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 7: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

May 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 10: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

May 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 12: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 13: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 14: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 16: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

May 17: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 18: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

May 19: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 20: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 23: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

May 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 25: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 28: Stayed home. Watched TV.

May 29: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

May 30: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

May 31: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 1: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 4: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 6: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

June 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 9: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

June 10: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 12: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 13: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

June 14: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 17: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 18: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 19: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

June 20: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

June 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 23: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 25: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

June 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 28: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 29: Stayed home. Watched TV.

June 30: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

July 1: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 2: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

July 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 4: Stayed home. Watched TV. First Annual Dependence Day announced.

July 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 6: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

July 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 10: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 12: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

July 13: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 14: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

July 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 17: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 18: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

July 19: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 20: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 23: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

July 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 25: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

July 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 28: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 29: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

July 30: Stayed home. Watched TV.

July 31: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 1: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 3: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

August 4: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

August 5: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 6: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 10: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

August 11: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 12: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 13: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 14: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

August 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 17: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

August 18: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 19: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 20: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 21: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 22: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 23: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

August 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 25: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 26: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

August 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 28: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 29: Stayed home. Watched TV.

August 30: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

August 31: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 1: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 2: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 3: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 4: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 5: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.Watched TV.

September 6: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 7: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 8: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 9: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 10: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

September 11: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

September 12: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 13: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 14: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 15: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 16: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 17: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

September 18: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 19: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 20: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 21: Stayed home. Ordered groceries. Watched TV.

September 22: Stayed home. My birthday. Masturbated excessively to celebrate.

September 23: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

September 24: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 25: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 26: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 27: Stayed home. Watched TV.

September 28: Stayed home. Watched TV. Found out every doctor and nurse in the U.S. had died.

September 29: Stayed home. Watched TV. Mass chaos everywhere in the country.

September 30: Stayed home. Watched TV. Trump declares martial law. Everyone, including the military, ignored him.

October 1: Stayed home. Stealthily took out trash and picked up mail. Watched TV.

October 2: Stayed home. Tried to order groceries, but no one picked up the phone at the grocery store. Tried ordering online, but there was no internet service. Tried to watch TV but all channels showed nothing but white static.

October 3: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 4: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 5: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 6: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 7: Stayed home. Ran out of food. Stared at living room wall.

October 8: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 9: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 10: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 11: Stayed home. Stared at living room wall.

October 12: Stayed home. Died of starvation.

October 13: Dead at home.

October 14: Dead at home.

October 15: Dead at home.

October 16: Dead at home.

October 17: Dead at home.

October 18: Dead at home.

October 19: Dead at home.

October 20: Dead at home.

October 21: Dead at home.

October 22: Dead at home.

October 23: Dead at home.

October 24: Dead at home.

October 25: Dead at home.

October 26: Dead at home.

October 27: Dead at home.

October 28: Dead at home.

October 29: Dead at home.

October 30: Dead at home.

October 31: Became a zombie. Left home to eat brains of the living.

November 1: Roamed streets eating brains of the living.

November 2: Roamed streets eating brains of the living.

November 3: Roamed streets eating brains of the living.

November 4: Roamed streets eating brains of the living.

November 5: Roamed streets eating brains of the living.

November 6: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 7: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 8: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 9: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 10: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 11: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 12: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 13: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 14: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 15: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 16: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 17: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 18: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 19: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 20: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 21: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 22: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 23: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 24: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 25: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 26: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 27: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 28: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 29: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

November 30: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 1: Had sex with another zombie.

December 2: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 3: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 4: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 5: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 6: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 7: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 8: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 9: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 10: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 11: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 12: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 13: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 14: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 15: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 16: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 17: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 18: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 19: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 20: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 21: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 22: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 23: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 24: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 25: Roamed country eating Christmas trees.

December 26: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 27: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 28: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 29: Roamed country eating brains of the living.

December 30: Broke into presidential bunker and ate brains of presidential cabinet and Secret Service

December 31: Stayed in presidential bunker and ate brain of Donald Trump. Died from malnutrition.

Sloafing

Cable news shows in 2023:

Co-Moderator Stan: Hi, I’m Stan.

Co-Moderator Lisa: And I’m Lisa.

Co-Moderators: And this is the Real News Network!

[theme music by Taylor Swift]

Stan: Today we’re going to be discussing topics as varied as sloafing.

Lisa: And gumming.

Stan: And virtuality.

Lisa: And Trump.

Stan: Duh.

Lisa: And here’s today’s panel of experts.

Stan: We have Guy Who Looks Like Alan Dershowitz.

Lisa: Because Alan Dershowitz is dead.

Stan: Yes. He died.

Lisa: Of pedophilia.

Stan: And a heart attack.

Lisa: A liberal conspiracy?

Stan: The heart attack?

Lisa: No, that Trump ate him.

Stan: Oh. Right. We also have on our show a former Republican Senator.

Lisa: It could be any former Republican Senator.

Stan: Right, because he’s old, white, and male.

Lisa: A socialist conspiracy?

Stan: Finally, we have a woman who shrieks a lot.

Lisa: Her name is Blonde.

Stan: No, it’s … oh, yeah, it is.

Lisa: She’s a former celebrity.

Stan: Panel, welcome to the show.

Alan Look-A-Like: Thank you. My name is actually Dot Org.

Stan: I respect your right to choose.

Former Senator: Thank you. I also have a name and it’s—

Lisa: Really don’t care. I’m going to call you Old White Man because it’s easy to remember.

Old White Man: I am proud of being old and white and having a penis.

Blonde: If I may, I just want to point out that I was a celebrity in May of 2022 before I wasn’t a celebrity in July of 2022 and, as of tonight, am now a celebrity again. 

Lisa: Congratulations!

Blonde: Thank you.

Stan: Okay, sloafing. What is it Dot Org?

Dot Org: It’s like a slofie, but with a couch instead of an iPhone.

Lisa: Is the couch technologically advanced?

Dot Org: Um … sure.

Stan: Then that’s cool!

Blonde: I’d like to say that I am for cool things.

Old White Man: I am against cool things because they are anti-Trump.

Lisa: They are?

Old White Man: I just said so.

Stan: Oh. Okay then.

Blonde: I still like cool things.

Old White Man: Then you’re a communist.

Blonde: You cannot define my sexual identity.

Dot Org: An interesting thing about sloafing is that you can do it even if you aren’t a registered voter.

Stan: So, illegal immigrants can do it?

Dot Org: No, they have to work.

Blonde: That’s not cool.

Old White Man: So it’s a good thing?

Lisa: Maybe?

Dot Org: There haven’t been any polls on it yet.

Stan: Then why are we talking about this?

Lisa: You brought it up.

Blonde: That’s not cool.

Old White Man: So it’s good that you brought it up. Blonde is a hateful pig who won’t be a celebrity tomorrow.

Blonde: Tomorrow is so “yesterday.”

Dot Org: We’re all just trailers on a tractor farm.

Blonde: I love movie trailers.

Old White Man: I’m glad they got rid of movies so we could pay to stream trailers.

Stan: Didn’t you pass legislation to make that happen?

Old White Man: No, I’m against Big Government.

Lisa: Are you for Small Government?

Old White Man: I’m for Capitalism.

Dot Org: Which used to be called Insanity by Bernie Sanders.

Blonde: Oh, I love Insanity. I’m wearing it right now. 

Lisa: I didn’t know Bernie Sanders made Insanity.

Stan: It was when he was still alive.

Dot Org: Did you know “used to be called” used to be called “used to be called”?

Blonde: That’s a lot of words.

Old White Men: Words are against Trump.

Stan: Speaking of Trump, how long will he be president?

Old White Man: He’s not the president. He’s an immortal emperor.

Lisa: I heard that somewhere!

Stan: Yes, Trump tweeted it yesterday.

Lisa: Then it’s true!

Blonde: Yesterday is so “Tomorrow.”

Old White Man: What is “Today”?

Stan: Tuesday.

Blonde: Tuesday is the new “Wednesday.”

Lisa: Oh.

Old White Man: Trump is Forever.

Dot Org: Up is still “Up.”

Stan: There are some things you can still count on.

Lisa: Like iPhones?

Dot Org: It’s true. You can count on iPhones.

Old White Man: Apple is the Devil.

Stan: Let’s talk about gumming.

Blonde: Toothless blowjobs?

Stan: No.

Old White Man: Eating without dentures?

Stan: No.

Lisa: It’s when you can’t stop imagining things that aren’t.

Stan: No, but that’s a lot more interesting so let’s talk about that.

Lisa: What?

Stan: Imagining things that aren’t.

Dot Org: That used to be called fantasy.

Blonde: That’s my favorite probiotic flavor!

Old White Man: I’m anti-biotics.

Stan: You’re medicine?

Blonde: Medicine is bad. I treat wounds with macrobiotics.

Lisa: Is all of this “gumming”?

Blonde: Toothless blowjobs?

Old White Man: Eating without dentures?

Dot Org: If it’s imagining what isn’t, then we’re on topic.

Stan: Which brings me to my next question: Do topics need to be discussed?

Blonde: I don’t understand the question.

Dot Org: It’s possible that they want to be discussed.

Old White Man: The market will determine that.

Lisa: Do we have any polls on the subject?

Stan: No, not on the subject, but we do have polls on topics. 75 percent of people are against topics, 15 percent are against being against topics, and 35 percent like ice cream.

Blonde: I don’t like ice cream unless there’s kambucha in it.

Lisa: That is something I can’t imagine.

Dot Org: Or is it something you imagine that isn’t?

Lisa: What?

Old White Man: Trump says the markets will favor what happens. 

Blonde: I like what happens except when I don’t.

Stan: Ah, Blonde, I’m glad you brought up virtuality.

Blonde: What’s that?

Dot Org: It’s what you brought up.

Blonde: You mean “bought.”

Dot Org. No, I don’t. 

Blonde: But I did!

Stan: I’m going to interject and say that we should all support Blonde’s sexual identity of choice.

Old White Man: I’m against sexual identities except when the market is for them.

Stan: So, virtuality is something that doesn’t happen when it doesn’t. And, yet, you can still experience what doesn’t happen through virtuality.

Dot Org: That’s also possible using imagination.

Blonde: Imagination? Is that a new fragrance?

Old White Man: Donald Trump has banned the use of imagination.

Lisa: That happened?

Old White Man: I imagined it happened.

Stan: That’s virtuality!

Dot Org: No, that’s imagination.

Lisa: Which is illegal now.

Dot Org: No, Old White Man just imagined it.

Lisa: Which is also illegal! Oh my God, are you for the terrorists?

Dot Org: Me? 

Lisa: Yes, you! You’re the one who said it!

Dot Org: I didn’t say that.

Old White Man: I heard him say it.

Stan: In my virtuality, he said it.

Blonde: My pores are getting clogged.

Lisa: We’ll be right back after the Gestapo arrests Dot Org.