Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Amsterdam Sixteen: I Miss You, Baby


I woke on Monday and took my MacBook to Eik en Linde. I ordered an uitsmijter and coffee. I popped open my MacBook and appreciated the photo I had chosen as the desktop background: Vanessa on the bed wearing her black-and-red bra and panties striking a pose with her hands on her hips and her lips puckered in a kiss. I sighed and opened my browser. I was sitting on the wall-side of the curly Q with the backwards running clock right above me. I could see the whole café from my seat.

Kasper walked my way with the coffee and before he put it in front of me he stopped and looked at me. I looked up and asked, “What?” I was smiling widely, I could tell, because he had a twinkle in his eye and he started smiling, too. “What?” I asked again, almost laughing. He continued to stare at me and his mouth opened a little as he shook his head. Then he closed his mouth in a strange little smile and looked down to place my coffee. He looked up again briefly and nodded his head ever so slightly. “I see,” he said. “I see.”

I could tell he knew but I wanted to make him say it so I said, “Come on, out with it.” He had turned to fill another order, but he looked back at me and flashed his charismatic smile. “Do I really need to say it?” I laughed then sheepishly said, “No.” I paused. “Is it that obvious?” Kasper walked over to me and crossed his arms before leaning against the counter. He peered over at me. “If it was any more obvious we’d have to avert our eyes.” I rolled my eyes. I was embarrassed. It struck me just how long it had been since I’d had a morning-after glow about me. Kasper was still smiling. “So, what is she like, this woman of yours?” I closed the browser and turned the computer around so he could see her. Kasper stood up quickly and his eyes widened. “Whoa! Wow, she is … impressive.”

Kasper asked her name. I told him but as I did I wondered what her real name was. Did I need to know? I decided no. I realized I wanted to see her again, though. That was a given. Tonight? No, not tonight. In my head I had gone through all of the purchases I had made including the apartment and the flight over. I had spent over $10,000, but I had billed for a few indexes, had more lined up, and $2000 coming each month from the divorce settlement. If I stopped spending now I would return from the trip with nearly as much money in my pocket as I had when I left. I laughed to myself. Yeah, like that was going to happen. I mentally put Vanessa’s tab on the maintenance from S. I liked the idea of S. paying for Vanessa and I to have a good time. The thought made me smile.

Kasper had turned away to serve other customers. None of the regulars I knew were there so when Kasper brought my uitsmijter I ate in peace. He came over to ask how the food was and I gave him a thumbs up. He asked if I was going to see Vanessa again and I nodded yes. "Where is she from?" A question intimating he knew she wasn’t Dutch. I told him she was Romanian. He nodded his head up and down. His smile was tight. “She is … impressive.” I nodded my head. “She's a handful, man.”

I had another coffee after my meal and looked at my email. I downloaded some PDFs for an index and took a look at one to make sure the file was clean and readable. Everything seemed to be in order so I closed it and shut down my computer. I waved goodbye to Kasper and he said, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” I responded, “I’m not sure what you wouldn’t do so where does that leave me?” He laughed and waved. “See you next time, Michael.” I walked home in the cold sunshine.

The day went by quickly as I indexed at my apartment. I thought about wandering around in the sun, but I wanted to make headway on my work assignments. I thought about Vanessa occasionally throughout the day. Whenever I’d take a break from my work I’d open the folder with her photos and look at them. In one she appeared as a sexy vixen while in another an adorable sweetheart. Memories vividly flashed and I danced with her in the hotel room again.

I stopped working late afternoon. I made a hearty salad and had a glass of wine. After putting the dishes in the dishwasher I paced around, not knowing what to do with myself. Damn, I wanted to see Vanessa, touch her and hear her voice. I smoked a bowl and chilled out listening to music. I felt sufficiently relaxed. As I was about to doze off my phone rang. Weird. Only a few people back in the States had my Amsterdam number and none of them had called me. I answered and was surprised to hear Vanessa’s voice.

“Hey, baby. I miss you.” Huh? I was flummoxed. I asked her how she got my number. “You call me Saturday. I have number in phone.” Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. “What you do?” I told her I was relaxing. “You want I come over tonight?” I thought about this. The truth was, yes, I did want her to come over, but I didn’t have any cash on me and, well, part of me wanted to wait until later in the week to let my jets cool a little. My heart—or perhaps my libido—won out and I responded, “Yes.” I told her I needed to go to an ATM to get cash and that I could only see her for a couple of hours. “You no want me stay with you tonight?”

Oh, Vanessa. “Yes, I do want you to stay with me, but I can’t afford it night after night.”

Vanessa shot back, “You millionaire, remember?”

I laughed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wish.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. “So no all night?”

I said, “No all night. A couple hours, though.”

“Okay. What time I come?”

“How about nine?”

“Okay, see you then, baby. What your address?”

Oh, yeah. I told her my address and she said, “What? How you spell that?” I spelled it out for her and she told me to do it again. I spelled it a second time and she said, “This is not in Amsterdam.” I told her yes, it was in Amsterdam, just outside the city center. “Okay, I call back if lost. See you, baby. Kiss.”

It was only seven so I got my coat to find a cash machine. There was one at a bank not too far away, less than a half hour walk there and back. I withdrew 300 Euros, 200 for her rate and another 40 or 60 on top as gratuity. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to see her as often as I wanted. It was too much money. As I walked from the ATM back to my apartment I stopped and thought, “Fuck that shit. That’s a bunch of cowardly bullshit. That’s not who I used to be and that’s not who I am. That’s the voice of a broken man suffering from a crushing loss. That guy, I have sympathy for him, but he isn’t allowed to make decisions any more. No fucking way.”

I reminded myself that I was in Amsterdam, that I came here to rediscover my zeal for life, and that I had been doing just that. This was no time to regress. No, I needed to keep my foot on the gas and soak up the city as well as Vanessa’s charm, passion, and beauty. Maybe I would become a cliché, the American abroad who falls in love with an exotic escort. There’s always a reason that a cliché is a cliché. Fuck, why not? I tried the traditional approach and that nearly destroyed me. New tactics were in order. I was on a mission now, that mission being to create my life as a masterpiece.

When I returned from the ATM I took a shower. I still had shrooms in the fridge but decided not to eat them. I figured I would wind up telling Vanessa to stay over if I did. Not that it would be the worst thing in the world, but making an attempt at moderation seemed in order. Self-control. Discipline. I laughed. “Yeah, right.” I put my laptop on the coffee table, anticipating Vanessa’s proclivity toward Romanian music. I was willing to indulge her because I loved watching her smiling dances. I put music of my own on the stereo hoping she might enjoy some mood music as well. It may have been my dime that was making this happen, but I still viewed her as a person, as an equal. I didn’t intend to sacrifice my principles for pleasure. I thought they could coexist. A fool is a fool to the end, I suppose.

Vanessa called me just before nine. “Where are you? I no can find apartment?” I asked where she was and she told me. I had no idea where she was, either. We went back and forth and I opened the blinds to look out. I saw a taxi parked down the street and said to her, “I can see you. Tell your driver to keep coming and I’ll go outside to meet you.” I ran down the stairs and outside just as the taxi pulled up. Vanessa got out and gave me a hug. We went inside and immediately she said, “You have money? You give me now, that way no hokey-pokey.” I laughed. I was pretty sure she meant hanky-panky. I thought about putting my right foot in and my right foot out but instead I just handed her 200 Euros.

She looked at it and then asked, “You want cocaine?” I told her I still had half a gram left from the hotel. She said, “Yeah? Maybe we want more than half gram. I pay half for cocaine. Maybe I stay, you know?” She looked up at me with her puppy dog brown eyes and batted her eyelashes. I shook my head. “No, not all night, but, yeah, more coke.” Vanessa smiled and went back to the cab. She exited and closed the door. We walked upstairs as the taxi pulled away.

I asked Vanessa if she wanted something to drink. She said beer but I didn’t have any. She pouted but then looked at me like a lamb and asked, “Wine?” I said yes and went to the kitchen to pour a couple glasses of cabernet. I also filled two glasses of water.

I returned to the living room with the wine and went back to get the water. Vanessa said, “Where you go?” I said, “Just a minute,” and returned with the water. She said, “Ah, good.” I took a good look at Vanessa. She was wearing a black leather jacket that came down to her hips, trendy torn jeans, and black boots. I could make out just a bit of red underneath her jacket. She looked sexy as she sat there holding the wine glass. “So, we do coke?” she asked. I laughed really hard and almost dropped the glasses. There was drool dangling out of my mouth and I could hear Vanessa squealing with laughter. She had gotten up and was taking the glasses out of my hand. She said, “You are so excited for coke that you drool.” She turned on the sex in her voice and said, “Or maybe you drool for me.” I fell to my knees and laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. Vanessa said, “Hey, it so funny for you to drool for me? I sexy, no shame for you to drool for me.” I tried to stand up but I was still laughing too hard. I managed to yell, “Stop, you’re killing me!”

I heard Vanessa laugh and the click-clack of her boots on the hardwood floor coming toward me. She helped me to my feet and said, “Baby, you no need coke. You already high.” I took a deep breath and looked at Vanessa. She looked up at me and tried to suppress a laugh, but couldn’t. That started me all over again and soon enough we were holding each other up while we laughed hysterically, absolutely whooping and hollering with wild abandon.

We finally slowed down. “God, that felt good. Vanessa, you are the perfect mix of sexy and funny. Seriously—no, nothing’s serious about this at all—but you are … you’re the best." She let out a long, “Awww,” and said, “You are very sweet. You make me happy. I don’t know why, but you surprise me, you know?” I kissed her forehead and then went to my bedroom. Vanessa again said, “Where you go?” By the time she finished the sentence I came out of the bedroom with a CD case. She smiled and we walked over to the couch.

Vanessa poured out about a third of the baggie of coke and started mashing it with a phone card. She diced it up fast and formed four fat lines. I sarcastically asked her if she was in a hurry. She said, “I only here two hour tonight. What, you want sit and stare at wall?” She smiled as she said it. I shook my head back and forth but said nothing. I took a drink of water then grabbed a bill from my wallet. Vanessa rolled a bill of her own. “You have nice place,” she said.  I thanked her, but as soon as I did she said, “Still, I like hotel better.” I rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, me, too, but I don’t have 400 Euros to spend for a room every night.” Vanessa bent down to do a line, but sat back up. She licked her lips and smirked. “If you were millionaire you would.” I threw up my hands. “When are you going to let that go?” She winked at me. “I will stop when you are millionaire. Then you will marry me and buy me diamonds all the time.” Oh, Lord.

Vanessa snorted a line, half in one nostril and half in the other. I did the same after she finished. We looked at each other with our eyes wide and said as one, “Oh my God!” I couldn’t believe it, but this stuff was even better than the other two grams. Vanessa shook her head and stood up. She walked around the coffee table to an area with plenty of space in the living room and shook her whole body. “Wow! Oh my God, this is really good!” I got up, too, and started pacing. “Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.” We were both flying to the moon and orbiting at high speed.

Vanessa asked if she could play some music. I said yes. She said, “I play House tonight. I think it is right music for this cocaine.” No shit about that. Vanessa found a link for E-Contact and took off her boots. We both started grooving. She took off her jacket and threw it on the chaise lounge next to the stairs. She had on a long-sleeve light red button-down shirt that barely made it to the waist of her low-riding jeans. Two buttons we undone and she unbuttoned another one, revealing her ample cleavage. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I had socks on and was slipping and sliding all over the floor. Vanessa was hopping up and down as the music shifted to Daniel Sanchez. We kept moving until we were all but drenched in sweat.

I waved my hand at Vanessa, indicating I needed a break. She nodded her head and we went back to the couch. We were huffing and puffing. Vanessa switched the music to a slow Romanian song. I was not keen on Romanian tunes except for some of the great gypsy fiddling, but in this case I was grateful. The music slowed my heart rate. We both guzzled our respective glasses of water and I took them to the kitchen to refill them. When I came back her shirt was completely unbuttoned. She was unbuttoning her jeans when she looked up at me. She had heat in her eyes. I put down the glasses and pulled my t-shirt over my head. I unbuttoned my jeans, too, but before I took them off I walked over to her and kissed her. She continued to unbutton as we kissed. She pulled away to push her jeans down around her ankles. She removed her socks then stood up and stepped out of her jeans. She was wearing light red panties that matched her shirt. She removed her shirt and I saw the bra matched the panties and shirt as well. Those needed to come off and fast.

I put my arms around Vanessa’s ass and lifted her off the floor. She put her arms around my neck and her legs around my lower back. She kissed me as I turned and walked to the bedroom. We were trying to devour each other as we kissed and her intensity pushed my passion into a frenzy. I threw her on the bed and fiercely pushed my pants to the ground, stepping out of my socks as I stepped out of my jeans. I dived on the bed and landed on Vanessa’s lips. I unclasped her bra and she dug at my underwear, ripping the waist band as she did. I lifted her bra over her head with great difficulty because she refused to let go of my briefs. I felt them rip even more until she finally let go. I saw she had a torn shred of my underwear in one hand as I removed her bra completely. Before she could grab my briefs again, I pulled down her panties with force. My cock had come out of my briefs which were now awkwardly dangling below my ass, the waist band stretched out completely and a huge hole in the front from where Vanessa had ripped the fabric. This turned me on even more.

Just before I was about to penetrate, though, Vanessa’s eyes went wide and she screamed, “Condom!” I dove off her to the left and almost fell out of bed. Thought returned and I said, “Oh, shit. That was close." Vanessa scampered out of the bedroom and returned just as fast, tearing the wrapper with her teeth and pulling out the condom. I shifted to lie face up and Vanessa’s wild eyes said, “You are mine!”

The sex was passionate, but became more intimate over time. I was becoming more comfortable with my sexuality. When we finished we laid on the bed looking at the ceiling. We were both breathing heavily. Vanessa rolled onto me, her petite body more like a feather than a weight. She tossed her hair back and looked into my eyes. She was smiling and her eyes were glowing. She said to me in a satisfied voice, “Was good. You give me orgasm. I think you are getting better.” She laughed and rolled off of me. I pretended to be mad at her and bear-hugged her while growling. She screamed a fake scream but it was piercing nonetheless. I let her go. She turned back, “No, baby, hug me like that more. I like your muscles squeezing me.” I did as she said. “Yes, like that. It feel goooood.

We remained in that embrace until Vanessa sat up like a shot. “What is time?” she asked in a panic. I thought, jokingly, to myself, “That’s a question philosophers have been trying to answer for millennia.” She jumped out of bed and ran to the living room. I breathed deeply and stretched before slowly getting out of bed. I felt fucking great. I walked into the living room and saw Vanessa on her phone. She said, “I check messages. I have ‘nother client! Shit!” She kept listening then hit a few buttons and put the phone back to her ear. She sighed and her body relaxed. She plopped down on the couch. I loved watching her move while naked. Her body was delicious eye candy.

Vanessa took the phone away from her ear and smiled. “Client cancel. Oh my God. Would have been very, very bad.” I looked at the clock in the kitchen. It was a little after eleven. I told Vanessa. She said, “Yeah, I know. I stay ‘nother hour?” I said, “Vanessa, I have to watch my money at least a little.” She nodded. “Is okay I stay if you no pay?” I was taken aback. “Um, yeah, sure.” She smiled and knelt in front of the coffee table. She rolled a bill and bent over to snort a line. I looked at her and looked at the window. I thought it must have been a great view for the condos across the canal. A naked man and woman doing blow in the living room. Fuck.

I went to the window and pushed the button to close the blinds. I heard Vanessa gasp and figured she must have zoomed one. I looked over at her and she was standing, jiggling and shaking from the coke. She looked over at me and laughed. “Shit, I no notice window!” She kept laughing and I walked over to the coffee table to do the last line that Vanessa had cut earlier. I flung myself back against the couch and screamed, “Yeeeeowwww! Damn, that’s the shit. Fuck woman, I wanna fuck again!” Vanessa said, “Baby, we no fuck; we make love.” I stood up and walked to her. I put my arms around her and kissed her firmly and she kissed back. We twirled and kissed, exploring each other’s bodies with our hands.

I couldn’t think, I didn’t want to think. My body pulsed and shook, the coke sent my emotions through the ceiling to visit the upstairs apartment. Vanessa’s lips tied mine in knots and her hands shed unneeded molecules from my shoulders, back, and ass. It was all I could do not to squeeze her as hard as I could, to keep myself from biting her lips, to not pick her up and slide my cock into her again. Some part of my consciousness remained and repeated Vanessa’s earlier scream, “Condom!” Other than that tiny voice I was desire.

Vanessa pulled away and I gasped for her. She said, “I know, but water.” I nodded my head and grabbed the glasses. We drank and Vanessa began fiddling with my MacBook. Romanian gypsy music blared. She grabbed one of the glasses of wine and I grabbed the other. She clinked my glass and took a drink then went to the bedroom. I rubbed my hands together and followed her. She put on her bra and I said, “What are you doing?” She said, “I cold. I put on clothes." I put my arms around her waist and said, “Or … we could slide under the blankets and get warm again.” She smiled and said, “You are horny tonight.” I said, “It’s your fault. If you weren’t so fucking hot.” She smiled, just enough that I thought she might change her mind. She bit her finger and looked at me wickedly. “Okay, baby.”

I rushed her and tackled her onto the bed. “Aaaaieeee! You are crazy." She rolled me over and got out of bed. “I get condom, okay?” She came back and slid the condom on me with her mouth. She slowly climbed up on top of me and rode. I was so hungry. I rolled her over and looked into Vanessa’s eyes. I couldn’t speak, but I could feel my eyes screaming for her. She looked back into my eyes with wonderment, shaking her head with her mouth open, panting and whispering, “Yes … yes … yes …” She licked her lips and turned on her side. I stayed on my knees as she looked back and up at me. She reached back with her hand and clutched the side of my ass, willing me to move faster. I rotated my hips into a position where I could glide smoothly, effortlessly, and Vanessa moaned and squealed. Her body moved sensuously and then roughly; combined with her audible sighs and yelps of pleasure I felt every cell in my body convulse and I came … and came … and came, a never-ending ejaculation that threatened to dehydrate me.

I fell to her side and gulped for air. Vanessa remained partially curled, breathing soft “ohhhs” that gradually slowed to a stop. “Fuck, woman. You’re turning me into an animal.” Vanessa lifted her head and looked at me through the damp hair stuck to her forehead. She sighed and said, “Yes, I know. You make me rubber. I no can move.” We laid still for several minutes until Vanessa got out of bed. I asked her where she was going. She said, “Shower.” I nodded and laid back down.

When she got out of the shower she dressed. I got out of bed and put on sweats. Vanessa said, “I call driver.” When she got off the phone she said, “He busy so not here for half hour.” I nodded and asked her if she wanted more wine. She said no. “Water.” I got more water and when I came back Vanessa was on the computer. She asked me if she could use Yahoo! Messenger. I said sure. “You have webcam?” I told her it was built into the MacBook. She squealed with delight and started tapping away. I sat beside her and saw the image of a woman come on the screen. Vanessa turned to me and said, “My sister.” It was her older sister in med school. Vanessa was writing in Romanian and as she did she translated to me.

I asked her to teach me Romanian so she gave it a stab. The only word I remembered well was “iubescu” which means “I love you” … in the romantic sense. I joked with her and asked if she was writing “iubescu” to her sister. Vanessa turned to me with scorn in her eyes and gave me a clipped “No.” She winked and said, “I save iubescu for you, baby.” She leaned over and kissed me. When she turned back I looked at the computer screen and saw the video of her sister holding her hands to her mouth with her eyes wide. Her sister was gorgeous, perhaps even more beautiful than Vanessa though it was hard to tell through a 2x2 video image.

Vanessa sighed and typed a message. She turned to me and said, “Now she ask if you are boyfriend.” I asked Vanessa what she wrote. She looked at me with a pinched smile and giggled. “I tell her ‘yes.’” She laughed and then stopped herself short. She held her hand in front of the webcam and gave me a serious look. “She no know what I do so you are boyfriend, okay?” I said yes, I understand. Vanessa kept her hand over the webcam. “No one from Romania know what I do, okay?” I solemnly nodded yes as Vanessa took her hand off the webcam. Her sister’s image was gone. “Ah, she leave. Oh! Now my best friend is here!” She mentioned her name but I couldn’t understand what it was nor would I be able to pronounce it if I tried. A strange rolling “r” different than French was involved. Vanessa typed a message and then one was returned. Soon the two of them were typing fast and furious back and forth. Vanessa went from laughing to serious to angry to smiling. After 10 minutes I was getting bored so I went around the table and poured out more coke to mash and dice. Vanessa looked up at me and smiled. She said, “I done soon, baby. I sorry I message, but is special with her. She my bestest friend.”

I nodded sympathetically and went about my business. I cut two more lines and noticed there was maybe half a gram left. I looked at the clock and saw that twenty minutes had passed since she called her driver. I enjoyed her presence even when her focus was elsewhere. There was something about letting her be herself that made being with her much richer. I rolled a bill and did a line. Wow. Vanessa typed a goodbye to her friend and then did her line. I gave Vanessa the baggie of coke. She asked why. I said, “I have half a gram in the other room. You keep this for yourself.” She said, “Okay, baby.” She paused with a puzzled look on her face. “You pay me for coke?” I said no and got my wallet. I gave her a hundred Euros. She said, “It only thirty, baby. I pay half, remember?” I nodded and told her, “The rest is for you. Thank you for staying with me so long tonight. You make me very happy.” Vanessa took the cash and smiled. She placed her hands on my cheeks and said, “You make me happy, too. I want to stay longer. It is nice with you.”


Vanessa’s phone rang. “My driver is here.” Vanessa kissed me then said, “Call me, okay? Kiss.” In a flash, she was down the stairs and out the door. I went to the window, pushed the button to open it, and watched her get in the cab. It sped away down the street and out of sight. I thought to myself, “What a strange life she lives.”

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