Amsterdam Fifty-Eight: Too Much Sex?

I woke up spooning Eliene. I kissed her back, squeezed my arm around her stomach, and shook my hips against hers. An “mmmph” was followed by slurred Dutch whispers as she stirred then came to rest again. She was out. What time was it? I rolled away from her looking for an alarm clock, any clock. Nothing. What the fuck did it matter, anyway? Auriana wasn't in bed, either, so I rolled back to Eliene and spooned her again. More garbled Dutch whispers and a “hrrrrrmph” that said “let me sleep!” I went downstairs to use the bathroom and squeezed toothpaste onto my finger to brush. I went back to bed facing the sleeping Eliene and curled up to her, lazily slipping into a half sleep.

Later, I was stirred by movement. I don’t know what came out of my mouth, but it wasn’t happy. Sleep, more sleep. More movement then blowing in my ear. Fuck, why? I opened my eyes and Eliene’s face was an inch from mine. “Are you asleep?” Her breath smelled like mints. I closed my eyes and shook my head yes. She shook me hard and I woke up, an angry bear. “Ellie, no. Sleep.” She giggled and shook me even harder. I groaned then stretched. “You called me ‘Ellie.’ Only my mother calls me that.” I tried to keep my eyes open as I rolled into her and draped my arms around her. “Sorry, Ellie.” In a split second I had nearly fallen asleep again, but Ellie laughed in my face.

“What?” Eliene said, “You called me ‘Ellie’ again!” Oh. “Sorry.” She kissed my nose causing my eyes to open a little. “No, it’s cute. You can call me Ellie.” I nodded, closed my eyes, and turned onto my stomach. Eliene’s hand slipped under my stomach and crept down between my legs. I stirred, “Are you trying to wake me up?” I opened an eye and saw Eliene nodding her head. I closed my eye and said, “It’s working.”

I rolled over and pulled Eliene closer. “I like calling you Ellie. It fits your personality.” Eliene pulled her hand from between my legs and I said, “Nooooo. I thought you were trying to wake me up?” It didn’t work. Eliene rested her head on the pillow next to me. I asked her where Auriana was. Eliene shrugged. “Probably working.” Oh. “What day is it?” Eliene laughed a little. “I don’t know. Monday? Does it matter?” Hmmm. “Not really.” I turned to face her. “So what you’re saying is that I should move in with you, huh?” Eliene widened her eyes and snickered. “I’m not leaving until you make me. It’s against my principles to willingly leave women who bring me pleasure.” Eliene shrugged. “Who said anything about leaving?”

Yeah, why did I bring that up? I guess I thought I would help clean and then go. I couldn’t make assumptions like that with Eliene or Auriana. Probably not with anyone, but especially them. I wasn’t sure the party ever stopped, but then again Auriana was apparently working so life was not endless sex. Unfortunate. Sex was the meaning of life. Biology said so and who was I to argue against biology? I wondered how I could make sex my way of life. Late 30s male escort? Probably not. Probably too late to start a career in porn, too. Besides, I didn’t want porn sex or really even escort sex. I wanted, well, womanly sex.

I asked Eliene, “Was the sex womanly last night?” Eliene flipped onto her back and her whole body rippled with laughter. “I can’t tell if that’s a yes or a no. Judging from the way you’re laughing I’m worried we had clown sex.” Her head shook from side to side, her black hair waving back and forth. “I bet there is clown sex, like a whole scene going on with people dressed up like clowns getting it on, everyone wearing dildo noses and big red clown-afro pubic hair. They probably meet in circus tents and fuck on unicycles.” Eliene rolled away from me, her torso convulsing. I crept up behind her and put my arm around her, buried my face into the back of her neck, and said, “Come on, let’s have clown sex.” Her hand went up in the air as her body continued roiling. A sound finally escaped, a squealing “Noooo!” then full-bodied laughter. “Damn, I wanted to clown-shoe fuck you until you laughed to death. Maybe another time.”

Eliene sat up and looked around. She turned to me, smirking: “No. You will never clown-fuck me.” I fell back, my stomach tightening from laughter. Clown fucking. It probably really was a thing. I watched Eliene stretch, her muscles extending, her head back, her mouth wide, her hair hanging almost to the bed. I felt my midsection warm, becoming aroused. Ouch! The more erect I became the more my cock hurt. Sore, raw. Probably latex poisoning, too. I wasn’t even sure how many condoms I had worn. Enough to make erections hurt. Shit.

Eliene noticed I was hard and she turned to face me as she brought her arms down. “Oh, hello. Look who decided to wake up!” I shook my head. “I’m sore.” She crawled over to me, “Poor baby. Too much sex for you.” No! Never! “Well, when you put it that way, it’s not really so bad.” She slapped my chest and got out of bed. “No, too late.” I yelled, “Noooo! It was a joke. There's never been too much sex. Ever!” She shrugged her shoulders and disappeared down the stairs. Shit.

I made myself get up, putting on the nightshirt I had worn before Auriana began her sex lessons. When I got downstairs I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I peeled an orange and ate a few slices before Eliene returned from the bathroom and saw me. I held out a slice to her and she walked over to take it. I washed my hands and poured her a glass of water while she ate the rest of the orange. She was still naked so after I gave her the glass I allowed my fingers to roam through her pubic hair. Not as silky and soft as the previous day, but then again we’d had sex throughout the night. She smelled like sex. Damn, that got me aroused again. I was conflicted. My dick was sore, but I was horny.

Before I could think anything else Eliene asked me to join her in the shower. Fuck. “Yes.” Fuck. Well, maybe soap and water would help. Maybe. I took off the nightshirt and got into the shower with Eliene. The water was warm, almost hot. It felt incredible on my back and legs then my chest, stomach and—“Owww!” I turned around quickly holding my package. Oh, Jesus, that hurt. Eliene asked, with concern, if I was okay. I nodded yes, but I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I didn’t realize I was that sore!

Eliene very, very, very gently applied a soapy hand. She didn’t even stroke, she just sort of allowed the soap to flow from her hand onto me. There was a little sting from the soap, but not bad. Well, fuck. After we managed to get clean we exited the shower. I dried myself carefully. Eliene couldn’t help herself. She tried not to laugh, but little snickers and twitters escaped from her lips. “You know how horrible this is?” She softened and pressed her body against mine. God, her flesh felt good. No! Too good! I pulled away. “Shit, I can’t even be near you right now!” I sobbed—not really, but not entirely fake. Still, Eliene giggled and slowly shook her ass out the door. “Not funny, Ellie! Put on some clothes.” I realized what I had just said. "No, no, no, I was joking. You should be naked all day, maybe the rest of your life."

To my chagrin she put on clothes, though. Stupid, stupid cock. We needed to clean up the apartment, anyway and the clothes were sexy at least: a tight t-shirt, no bra, short shorts, and below-the-ankle rainbow-striped socks. Meanwhile, I continued wearing the nightshirt that fit too snuggly in the shoulders--my penis wasn't ready for underwear and pants. It was early afternoon so we ate a quick lunch before cleaning up. We took the sheets and the bin of “used” towels and dumped them in the laundry machine, moved the folding mattresses and cushions back to the spare bedroom, opened windows to air the rooms out, emptied the wastebaskets into one giant bag of garbage, put the furniture back in place, cleaned the bathroom, and all the other oddities that needed tidying.

It was late afternoon by the time we finished. We had fun while we worked and the place looked presentable, not at all like there had been a grand hookah-smoking sexfest. As for me, I liked the look of a place made raunchy from sex. My Architectural Digest pad wouldn’t be quite so neat and clean. There would be couches stained with body fluids, glass-topped coffee tables with a mound of cocaine, a hash-pit for tumblers and flowblowers, ceiling swings with ankle cuffs dangling from the seats, a modified pommel horse for gymnastic sex performances, underwear strewn all over the floor, maybe a tapestry of sexy lingerie sewn together, cock sculptures and dildo trees placed throughout the apartment, vagina paintings on the walls, rainbow-colored bean bags, curtains made from strips of condom packages, mint-filled candy dishes spread throughout, and floors made of bouncy rubber covered by silk sheets.

But that was just me. The place looked great as it was and I helped Eliene bake a lasagna, the first vegan lasagna I had ever prepared. All in a day’s work. Eliene had started the process while were cleaning and there was nothing left to do but set the table. As we did, I asked her what time she expected Auriana. “Don't know.” I asked her what type of work Auriana did. “She’s a sex therapist.” Of course she was! I had missed my calling in life.

After Eliene removed the lasagna from the oven, we went to the living room. I was beat and so was she. We lied down on the couch and Eliene spooned me, her hand drifting downward ever so slowly. I winced when I felt stirrings from below, but to my surprise the pain was mostly gone. By the time her hand reached the jackpot, I was fully erect and relatively pain free. Oh, happy day! I rolled over and kissed Eliene, my own hands now roaming her body.

Auriana walked in the door as we were making out. I heard her laugh as she moved around. "Is this what you've been doing all day?" Eliene broke our liplock and sat up. "Look around." I heard Auriana say, "Wow, you really cleaned the place up. It looks great." Eliene got up. Damnit. She told Auriana that there was a lasagna ready. I got up and walked over. Auriana hugged me then went up the stairs, presumably to change into more comfortable clothes. Eliene took the lasagna to the table, filled the water glasses, and poured wine. After Auriana came downstairs and out of the bathroom we all sat down to eat.

We enjoyed a fun conversation that went all over the place, from Eliene’s childhood in France to Auriana’s sex workshops to my shrooming insights. Eliene humiliated me with stories about my sore penis—which was feeling much better, thank you very much. I found many of Auriana’s ideas about human sexuality matched my insights about sensations and feelings. Naturally. She was an expert on sensation and emotion--not just through her work, I could attest to that.

I helped clean up after we finished eating. We took glasses of wine to the living room to chill. We all huddled together on the couch, Auriana with her head in Eliene's lap and her legs draped over me. I gave her a foot massage as Eliene stroked her hair. It was a relaxing, enjoyable, quietly sensual evening, but I felt an internal tension as the hour grew late. I really wanted to stay, but I knew Auriana needed to work again the next day, too. Even if Eliene and I didn’t need a break, she did. I realized I never thought to ask Eliene if she went to school or worked or … what she did during her days. She might have been a stay-at-home partner. I would have been happy if she was my stay-at-home sexpot, especially since I worked from home. That made me think of my first few years living with my ex; we both worked at home together for five years. Afternoon delights were a near daily occurrence. Stay-at-home couples stay together … because they have sex all the time. Well, we did, anyway. She ruined everything by going to law school then working in the corporate world. Nothing ruins great sex more than law and corporations.

At the moment, though, the issue was whether to stay or go and whether to even bring up the subject. It was enjoyable just hanging out, but I didn't want to put them out by staying too late or staying over. I finally said, “Well … what do you think? I mean, you have to work tomorrow, right Auriana?” She nodded her head. She looked up at Eliene. “What do you think, El?” Eliene shrugged her shoulders. “I’m okay either way.” She looked over at me, smiling. "It's up to you. You're the one who has to get up early. I'm, well, it's fun having Michael here. You're tired, though. I can tell." Auriana sighed. "I am. I wish I wasn't." Eliene looked at me with those dark brown eyes. She was just looking at me, nothing suggestive. Didn’t matter. “Fuck, Ellie, even when you’re not sexual I get turned on. We didn’t have sex today, either.” Eliene countered, “That’s not my fault. You’re the one who was sore.” I smiled. “I’m not sore any more, though.”

Auriana laughed. “Oh. Michael, Michael, Michael. If I didn’t have to work tomorrow …” I nodded my head. “Yeah, I know. You need a real night’s sleep.” Shit. I hadn’t had sex all day. Ha! After two days of nearly non-stop sex a day without an orgasm seemed just plain wrong. I was spoiled. Auriana said, "Look, if you two want to have fun together, that's fine by me. I need to sleep either way." Without thinking, I said, "Yeah, but you and Ellie haven't had any time to yourselves for days. I feel like I'd be getting in the way of that." Auriana sat up. "I just noticed you call El 'Ellie.' That's so funny! El, when did he start doing that?" Eliene said, "This morning. I thought it was cute." Auriana smiled. "It is. Your mom calls you that." It felt like such an intimate moment between the three of us. Oddly enough, I was feeling like I was "part of the family." It was so easy being with them.  They were really wonderful. I said as much and received "awwws" in return.

Still, the problem hadn't been resolved, not fully. I felt I should probably go, though, but I wanted to let Eliene make the decision. I could have made my goodbyes, but, damn, there's just no such thing as too much sex! I looked at Eliene, pleading in my heart for her to say "stay," but not expecting it. When things settled down, I waited. There was an awkward silence. I didn't want to be the first to speak, but it was clear no one else was. I think Eliene didn't want to say no to me, but also wanted to be with Auriana. Tough position for her. I sighed, leaned forward in my seat, my elbows on my knees and my hands folded, and somberly looked at the two of them. “The only solution to this problem is for me masturbate while you watch.” Both Eliene and Auriana laughed uncontrollably. In perfect deadpan I said, “What, would it be better if the three of us masturbated together? Because I'm okay with that, too.”

Eliene said, “You are terrible! But now you got it in my head and I—” she laughed through the rest, “want to watch you.” Auriana sat up and said something in Dutch to Eliene, causing her to double over. They laughingly spoke with each other in Dutch, each statement making the other laugh harder. I felt like I should just whip out my dick and jerk off, but their faces were so red I thought blood vessels might burst if I made them laugh any harder.

Auriana said, “Michael, you are too funny. Oh, that was good.” I said, “I know it was good; you two just had laughing orgasms. I haven’t even whipped out my dick yet.” That just got them going again. “I really want to fuck you while you’re laughing like that. I can’t even imagine how good it would feel to be inside you while your vagina’s convulsing in giggles and snorts.” They just kept going and so did I, one-liner after one-liner. I could have been a stand-up comic—I had thought that on many occasions—but I never liked the idea of performances being limited to comedy. I didn’t want to be pigeon-holed. I could get into a routine where I did stand-up on Mondays, drawings on Tuesdays, varied street performances on Wednesdays, writing on Thursdays, and sex parties Friday through Sunday. That would be a good life. Maybe substitute political activism for drawing every other week. Or just fuck the schedule altogether and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Kind of hard to do sex parties whenever I wanted, though. Having other people present to participate was pretty much a necessity. It would be more like a masturbation marathon if I was alone.

“If only there were sex parties seven days a week all year round.” Auriana said, “There probably are. You’d have to meet a lot of people, though.” That was probably true. “Too much work. I would just like everybody everywhere having sex parties 24/7, people putting signs on their doors like, ‘Sex Party Here: Looking for Two More Women and One More Guy.’ There’d probably be signs that read, 'Sex Party Full Tonight; Come Back Tomorrow and Put Your Name on the List.' Am I right? I want to live in that world.” Auriana shook her head. “Good luck with that, Michael.” I responded, “Hey, no reason to be defeatist. A boy has to have his dreams.” Eliene shook her head and threw a couch pillow at me. “Ellie, I’d prefer to be here with you and Auriana every night, but I need a backup plan.” They both chuckled.

It was nearly eleven. “I should get going. If you two weren't so sexy and delicious and erotic and vivacious and womanly it would be easy to pop on out of here. I'm so glad Sterre invited me.” I was on the verge of gushing, but I needed to get dressed. Auriana embraced me when I came out of the bedroom. "I'm so glad you stayed, Michael. You were smoking yesterday." I leaned back. "Me? You started the fire, woman." Eliene came over to kiss and hug me. "I hope you come back soon." I kissed her long enough that we were essentially making out and as she pulled away, my knees a little wobbly and my groin heating up, I said, "Whew, um, yeah, whenever you want me over just let me know. I can be here tomorrow morning if you'd like, Ellie." Eliene and Auriana laughed at me. "What? You can't kiss me like that and expect me to do anything but swoon!"

We exchanged emails and they said they’d be in touch. I put on my shoes, another round of hugs and kisses, none lingering this time--I would never leave if they kept kissing me like that. Who would? They said goodbye as I left and I made my way down the stairs. I walked outside, the first time in three days, and as I unlocked my bike I said to myself, “I have no fucking idea where I am right now.”