Ishmael stared absently at his mother’s vulva. Yeah, that’s the worst time to cut a lizard’s tail. Gathering dust on the mantle, Kant’s philosophy went unnoticed by the Sigma Nu pledges. Why did you yank on that bull’s yang? President Lincoln once remarked that he couldn’t tell the difference between snow and rain. Hippos mated less frequently last year. Your nut sack can swell up to the size of a bowling ball if you sit naked on a rotten peach. You could get a rash from rolling around in that prostitute’s bed. Throw out those pumpkins for crying out loud! Security guards will one day be regarded as entertainers.
I have never been offered a glass of water by a horny woman. It really makes me sad to see you in such a helpless condition. Just for the record, I never said I wanted to witness a parking exhibition. Dreadlocks look really bad on sheep dogs. The next big reality TV show will be about elementary school children who burn ants with magnifying glasses. Border disputes go unresolved as an asteroid drifts unnoticed a million light years away. Holidays are a time for viewing meta-epistemic art. Too many men think dragons exist. Pouring milk down the side of the fence, Jane realized she was standing on a platform of doubt. When you go out tonight, whisper into a dead rat’s ass. Like a magician, he farted and jumped into a hat. Knitting is not for the meek or timid.
You just don’t know where the darling little girl came from, do you? Eschatology and eugenics aren’t always spelled correctly. Do American urbanites have more psychological defects than Malaysian gamblers? On the other side of town I saw an abandoned El Camino. Not a good idea to look directly at the headlights of an oncoming car. Why not borrow a few pounds of onions before going to bed? Thanks for listening to my sheep bleat earlier today. It was the most beautiful jar of peaches you’ve ever seen. Which side of the bed did you make? I can’t see anything but my other hand. The Wednesday morning after Easter I smelt the scent of a fried apple wafting through the window of my prison cell. Nine times is the most you can hope to try that sort of thing. For every dollar received by homeless beggars we spit on a sports agent. What time is the ferocious beast supposed to eat? No one ever said life would be breathtaking. Just in case you end up smiling at me, I’ll read the New York Times.
After being ogled by a well-dressed accountant, June didn’t feel like attending her coven’s potluck. John found paradise while looking for a hot dog bun. Mustard seeds contain more snot than you’d ever imagine. Huge vats of fat were used to make the first atomic bomb. Genghis Khan never really existed. Just in case you happen to be deaf, I’ll type louder. Howard is a name that I found while flipping through a phone book. Money shouldn’t exist. Nocturnal bleeding is a cause for concern. Hippies are still fashionable in Saigon. Gonads hardly ever speak; however, nipples are quite chatty. Frosty drinks are especially hard to swallow. Ferocious wonders cease to detect salient creatures when drifting into madness. Gunk and slime float on the canals outside Brawley. Licking the filth off a diamond for the delight of pharoahs is no way to spend an afternoon. Corn flakes from Ghana found their way into my dreams. Time cannot be quantified any more than a watermelon can dance. Hopping on one toe for hours will not be understood by the Chinese government as an act of aggression.
Just so you know, I’m not eight feet tall. Elves steal things from my wallet whenever I go to the airport. Creepy looking women hanging out on the end of the block just told me that you aren’t actually human. Most yuppies wish they were in Paris fucking shepherds. For some reason, open-ended questions lead to bloody gashes on my ass cheeks. Fellatio is practiced by inanimate objects almost as often as by Reba McIntyre. Hubris constrains my thoughts. Bold colors make me want to wear diapers. Retired servicemen wintering in RVs are seething with hatred. George W. Bush is devoutly immature. The modern is replaced by the moment. Kleenex will be sold for pennies when nectar seeps from phone lines. Harping on what might have been, a woman clips her toenails. When do you want to make doughnuts for escaped convicts? It’s time to wash your armpits with vinegar and salt. Good night, me. Good night, you. Take a crap on yourself the next time you think of it.
Sentences are written. A sentence within itself may be coherent, but if it is unrelated to the sentence prior or the sentence following then it becomes incoherent. Strange that a coherent sentence can be made incoherent by sentences that are not the sentence itself. Language obtains meaning and purpose only through context. This means that each word is in relation to all other words in the environment of the writing. If this is true then words are not individuals, sentences are not species, paragraphs are not genera, chapters are not families, books are not orders, volumes are not classes, genres are not phylum, subjects are not kingdoms, libraries are not domains, and language is not life.
Classifications of these kinds fit no better for words than they do for biology. We’re looking for traits, patterns, means of ordering chaos to provide orientation. Self remains detached from other through organizational systems. But language, like the physical environment, proves that such separations do not exist except through the ordering of thought. Apple Jacks taste better with orange juice. The world is ordered or chaotic according to applications of thought. Thoughts may be grouped to create a context that does not match sensory experience. In that case, a schism develops, a break between the physical and mental, a splintering of oneself.
Killing dogs for fun is wrong. Incoherence may illuminate facts that coherence cannot. How can incoherence become married to coherence and coexist as an asymmetrical symmetry? Should they marry? Should they compete? Should they ignore one another? Should “should” be eliminated entirely? Should should should should shoud? Should shoud. Should? Should Should! Shouldshouldshouldshouldshouldshould … should.
When the dandelion flies berry with nary a thought in its green grass, a lap tooth brown jouster with jester may sequester. Biddle pimple pus jeeeeesh liffle stymie cremple valume seejurn grest velin werffed merffle terf gjhriosdjpqzhfi nnnghdheuiid. Blehhhh. True dat. He speak the truth! He said it, not me. She said, not her! We said it together. No one flew apart. Gathered together us be dynamite! Hunk and damsel loser hero fights lover kills brother marries sister shames dad beats mom hugs boy kicks girl rides dog out of sight into the night by starlight sees everyone not there. Very close to being understood without saying what she means. Break away from what can never be broken; impossible possibility. Improbable probability. Opposites repel, attract, repel, attract, remain still. Inertia.
Bass lines from music that hasn’t been penned exists in forests unheard by ears but felt by flowers. No one loves me. He’ll be here in an hour. Jane said she could bake a pie. Ghana refused to be a nation in October; it became a lamb instead. Who lives inside the octopus>lesser beings than I. Jagged lines drawn on the paper of a high school math test were considered to be a far greater innovation than calculus. Wigs worn with wonderment were wheeled with wagons where wombats wiggled. I like alligators. Benches made of wood are for sitting. Obviously, Dave was here. You’re not going to put the candy wrapper in the baby’s mouth! Fuck this shit. I’m sick and tired of beeswax being smeared on the handlebars of my motorcycle. Bellyache all you want, but I’m still going to screw your boyfriend.
Isn’t that tiresome? Haven’t you become exhausted by incoherence? Haven’t you had your fill of confusion? You need understanding. You want it, anyway. You feel lost and alone without it. Are you sick of me telling you what you want and how you feel? Do something about it! Commit an act of aggression against someone you don’t know! Of course, if you did that you’d be doing what I tell you to do. Be independent of me. Fight for your autonomy and achieve total self-control and self-direction. I just fucked that up for you, though, didn’t I? Now even your potential autonomy is tainted by my influence. And if not mine … someone else’s influence. None of us can escape the influence of our environments, whether physical or visual or linguistic or … blah blah.
Prick, that’s what you are/ I am, too? Yes, I am. I proudly reclaim the word prick and reconfigure it to mean goodness. Like every other formerly derogatory term that has been reclaimed, I will transform fucker, shithead, asshole, douchebag, and every other word of disparagement into bouquets of love. I will eliminate all negativity from all words and, by doing so, no one will be able to think negative thoughts because there won’t be a language for negativity! Absent words of hate, hate cannot exist. It’s worth the effort. Try to stop me and I’ll change the meaning of the word “stop.” You can’t win except by eliminating the meaning of the word “not” and by doing so rendering the very concept of winning obsolete. This world I’m creating through the transformation of language will be unlike anything you can imagine. Why? Because the language for it hasn’t been invented yet. You can only think in the ways you know … unless you create new ways to think and, thus, understand.
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