past lives

I just discovered that in my past three lives I've been the Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Ominpresent God of Eternal Light and Infinite Goodness, then a monk who lost his soul to the Devil on a bet that he could make a thirty yard field goal in a dome, and finally an English-speaking Aardvark cared for as a pet by a deaf widow on a farm in western North Dakota (She constantly said to me "You know, it seems like you said something to me. You're an aardvark. You're an aardvark!" A humiliating existence. I tried to escape several times. I finally did after sitting next to the old woman when she died sitting on her rocking chair on the front porch. I was killed by wolves hours after I'd gained my freedom). I must have really screwed up as God. At least I know I'm a step up from a talking aardvark. Or am I just the latest version in an ongoing descent?

I was told about my past lives by Veronica Mazzina. Veronica reads palms, talks with the dead, and predicts the future then levitates, gyrates, and translocates. She screams, whispers, and squirms then she feasts, crawls, and sleeps.

I showed up at her house today and she answered the door dressed in Wonder Woman Underoos. She had painted her face like a tiger. She was pawing at me and making roaring noises. I asked her if she was Veronica Mazzina. She licked my cheek.

She invited me into her house by squeezing my ass cheeks with both of her hands and pulling me through the doorway. Once I was inside she let go of me, stood up straight, adjusted her hair, and said "Welcome." She gracefully closed the door and motioned for me to take off my coat. I removed it and handed it to her. She took it, dropped it on the floor, and told me to have a seat.

She walked across the room to a bar and poured a glass of scotch. She carried it over to me. I told her I don't drink. She pushed the drink into my face. "Take it." I took it. I drank it. I sat down.

Veronica sat down on a tiger skin rug on the floor in front of the fireplace, cross-legged. Her body was lithe and she shifted from her sitting pose into a series of yoga positions. As she did so she spoke.

"I am glad you came here today. I knew you would. I've been preparing for this day all week. I refused customers Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I told them all I had to prepare for a very important event. This is that event."

She smiled. She cooed. She growled. She flipped onto her back and kicked her legs and threw her arms into the air. She shook them madly. She tossed her head side to side, her hair whipping all about. She chanted, "Ooooo sa pa, ooooo ga ka, ooooo ma ra."

I watched her with my glass empty. I looked away from her for a moment and considered the situation. "I need another drink." I rose for the bar, walked past her to the far wall, grabbed the scotch, and poured myself a healthy glass. I turned to watch Veronica again.

She was kneeling in front of me, looking at me. She tilted her head to my left, her eyes wide and sweet as a fawn's, and she puckered her smile into a kiss. She giggled. "Oh, we are going to have so much fun. I have so many treats in store for you!" She clapped her hands and let out a high-pitched squeak.

I took a big drink. I followed it with another. What have I gotten myself into, man? Who is this wingbat acrobat? I can't tell if I should be turned on or freaked out. Maybe that's the turn on. Or maybe it's the freak out. It's impossible to tell. I wanted to know.

I walked up to Veronica. She remained kneeling, but she looked up to me with that I-really-do-care smile. I looked down into her eyes. I peered deep into them. She didn't look away. Her eyes got wider and she matched my intensity as she looked into mine. I felt like it was less I seeing her than her seeing me. Without looking away she reached out her left hand and gently put it around my right calf. She reached up with her right hand and clasped my left wrist. She slid her left hand past my knee and up the back of my leg. She squeezed a handful of hamstring and pulled down on my wrist while stepping up with her left leg. She rose and stood upright, sliding her hand over my ass to my lower back. Her chest pressed against me, her lips were inches away from mine. She whispered, "We should get to work."

She led my the hand through another door into a room filled with lit candles. They were everywhere. On the center table, on either side of the crystal ball, covering the shelves on the wall, filling up the windowsills (the windows had been filled in with bricks), and even scattered sround the wooden floor. All white candles except for the two brown candles on the table. The room smelled like almond vanilla hazelnut cocoa.

Veronica led me to the table, sat me down, and skipped to the seat across from mine. She looked at me, smiled widely, and winked. She placed her hands on the crystal ball and caressed it. She had a twinkle in her eye as she asked, "What do you want to know, Jack? Your future? Your past? The secrets of the universe?"

I smiled. "Well, I'm here because I was told you could help me with a problem."

"Yes. Well, that is what I do. Surely you can tell me more than that?"

I cleared my throat. "I was told I could talk to you about a person who has been a problem for me."

Veronica leaned back in her chair. She was pouting. "You're absolutely no fun at all."

What? What the fuck is this? I was told she was a pro.

Veronica leaned forward in her chair, put an elbow on the table, and slid her chin onto the palm of her hand to rest. She blinked her eyes. "You know, I have a theory about you. Do you want to hear it?"

"Sure. Why not?" It was all I could do to pretend to be polite. I clenched my jaw.

"Okay then. I think you're here because you think you're here to ask me to kill someone for you. Is that correct?"

My jaw relaxed and my mouth dangled open. Am I being set up here? I need to leave. Gracefully. I collected myself. "I think there's been a mistake of some sort--"

Veronica cut me off. "No, there's been no mistake. You think I would have turned away customers for three days if I wasn't getting prepared for this day? I'm ready. Don't let who I am at home distract you from how well I perform my duties. I'm just being myself, pussycat."

Okay. I think. I have no idea.

"So, give me the story, sailor."

I told her my story and I gave her the identity of the man who was causing problems in my life.

Veronica's face sank when I handed her the photo. She looked at me with dead eyes. "That's my husband."

I gulped.

Veronica threw her head back and laughed. She tilted her head down and looked up into my eyes. "Relax, honey. I know you're here to ask me to kill my husband. I told you, I've been preparing all week."

"I'm confused. Why do you want to help me kill your husband?"

"I was told you would pay well."

Wow. I'm cold, but she's something else. "Okay. That's fair."

"Good. Now that that's out of the way I can look into my crystal ball to see who you are and, just as importantly, who you've been."

She looked at my palm and then caressed the crystal ball again. She told me about my past lives, my reign as God, the incarnation of the Divine duped by the Devil, my reincarnation as a talking aardvark eaten by wolves. She broke out a Tarot deck. She placed cards with strange images in front of herself. She said indiscriminately as she laid out the cards "That isn't good" "Why would that come now?" "Do you want some tea?"

I said yes. She rose from her seat and turned away to leave the room through yet another door. I sat looking at the candles while waiting for her to return. In a couple of minutes a naked woman--not Veronica--came into the room. She had long blonde hair, curly and wavy, a thick mop of it that dangled down and about her shoulder almost to the tops of her breasts. She was curvy and athletic. Big blue eyes, a hint of mascara, and long eyelashes. A button nose, pouty lips, and little dimples to go along with her shy smile.

"I'm Sandy."

"Hi, Sandy."

"You're probably wondering why I'm here."

"I haven't been thinking at all. I don't question good fortune."

"Heeeeeee! You're silly. I'll be right back with your tea. Would you like sugar?"

"No. Maybe some cream, depending on the type of tea."

Sandy smiled, turned, and shook her ass through the door. Wow. Weird. Good weird. I hope.

Sandy was back in seconds with a cup of tea on a saucer. I accepted it from her as she leaned over and handed it to me, her hair brushing against my face which almost caused me to forget I was holding a cup of tea. Sandy looked at me and said, "It's hot so be careful." She stood up and brushed her hair over her shoulder with her right hand. "Would you like to watch me masturbate?"

Before I could answer, Veronica returned to the room. She whispered in Sandy's ear, patted her on the ass, and Sandy left without a word. She didn't even shake her ass through the doorway on the way out.

"Now, where were we? Oh, yes. My husband. Would you like to see him right now?"

Not particularly.

"He's here. He's in another room. Come on, let's go see him." Veronica noticed my apprehension. "Don't worry. There's no danger for you at all."

I followed Veronica through the same door Sandy had used to exit. We turned right and walked down a narrow hallway with red and silver wallpaper. There was one overhead light about halfway down the hall. Not very bright. We passed a couple of closed doors on either side of the hallway. The hallway turned 90 degrees to the left. We kept going and passed two more closed doors. Another overhead light.

At the end of the hallways was another closed door. Veronica turned to me and smiled. "We're here."

Stay tuned...